In the Middle of Two Kingdoms
by coraelliem92
Summary: Riley Tudor Cody has known she was in love with her adoptive older brother, Craig, since she was 12 years old. What she didn't know was there her love for him would set their lives on a dangerous and irrevocable path. When she's forced to move to Charming, she finds herself needing to learn new rules and making new mistakes. *Trigger Warning* Rated M for a reason!
1. Author's Note

Hello readers!

I wrote a little Sons of Anarchy story called Daughters of Anarchy a few years ago. In The Middle of Two Kingdoms, the story you're currently about to read, is in the same universe. "How?!" you might ask. That's a great question, hopefully answered by the end of this Fic. It is _not_ necessary to read Daughters of Anarchy before reading In the Middle of Two Kingdoms. Eventually, as both stories develop and evolve, it will be advantageous to read them all, but it's not imperative.

A little info about me: I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how to respond to reviews, I barely know how to publish stuff, and I'm more than a little confused on the etiquette here. What I do know is that I've worked on this story (and like 4 others, no joke) really hard in the time between publishing Daughters of Anarchy and now. I hope that y'all love it as much as I do. And if you have any tips for me on how to get better at , PLEASE do that thing where you message me in private and I can see it and respond to it. Because I love this community.

XOXO

Coraelliem92


	2. Prologue and Chapter One

**In the Middle of Two Kingdoms:**

 **An Animal Kingdom/Sons of Anarchy Crossover**

 **Coraelliem92**

 _ **Chapter One/Prologue:**_

 _ **Riley Tudor**_

I woke up the morning of my 14th birthday with a renewed sense of focus. I'd been living with my unofficial foster family, the Cody's, for almost 7 years and in the last 2, I've realized that I couldn't live without my "brother". And not in that ridiculous we're so bonded we can't be apart way, but in the way that if I didn't feel his hands on my body one more time then I'd never be right again way. The night before, my 4 older brothers threw a house party in "my honor" for "my birthday." They'd invited all their friends, and since my brothers ranged in age from 16 to 21, the party had been full of booze, drugs, and loud music while our "mom", Smurf, pretended not to notice. I didn't have any female friends. Smurf didn't like extra folks hanging round the house, and Julia, my "sister", wasn't exactly the older sister type. So last night, I'd gotten ready myself. I'd worn a too small black tank top that pushed my early developed DDDs together, and exposed my flat stomach and my new belly ring that Smurf had taken me to get earlier that day. I'd lined my eyes in all the black liner I could find and applied a generous amount of mascara. YouTube helped me get the technique right. My long black hair was completely straight and I'd pulled it to the top of my head in a messy bun. I left my room when I was done and went over to the pool where everyone else was. I passed Baz and Deran on the way to where they'd set up the bar, and each of them looked at me with wide, gaping eyes. Pope and Julia were fighting behind the shed, and Craig was chatting up some chick at the bar when I came over. He'd taken a large drink of whatever was in his cup when I passed, my ample hips and ass swinging ever so slightly as I walked by him. Almost immediately once he saw me, he ended up spitting the entirety of his gulp into the face of the pretty blonde he'd been chatting up. I recognized her as one of the many college girls he'd taken to bringing around. He was a legend at the high school he'd been forced to drop out of after his stint in juvie. The same school I was at now after skipping 2 grades. He pushed the blonde to the side and came up behind me.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" He snapped, glaring at me with a look of something more than just disapproval and contempt.

"Clothes." I responded, pouring myself a rum and coke using the Bacardi on the table and a coke I'd brought from the kitchen.

"Barely." He scoffed, grabbing my hand and leading me away from the table. I grabbed my drink as we went. He was taking me to the living room, which was dark and only separated from the DJ by a glass window, so the music was louder in there, but quieter than outside. "Change." Craig ordered, pointing to the hallway that led to my and Julia's bedrooms.

"No." I countered simply. Craig and I were closer than any of the other siblings, with the exception of _maybe_ Baz, Julia, and Pope. We had gotten less close as he got older and spent more time with Deran, but as kids, we were inseparable. Not tonight though.

"I won't have guys looking at you when you have that shit on." He said, gesturing to my breasts and shorts-clad ass.

"Why not?" I cried. "I want a boyfriend eventually one day, why not now?"

"You're too good for them." The song changed and started playing "Pony" by Ginuwine. I smirked, knowing this song was Craig's weakness.

"You're missing a hell of an opportunity, Craig." He looked at war with himself for a few moments, but then he grabbed my waist with his large hands and spun me around so that my back was to his front.

"No I'm not." He said, dipping his head down to whisper in my ear. He swung my hips a little bit to encourage me, until I started moving on my own. He clamped one hand on my hip and the other on my waist and led us back so he could lean against the wall. I continued to grind, eliciting sharp intakes of breath and moans from Craig behind me. He let both of his hands wander to my my bare thighs, where he used his palms to hold me in place and his fingertips to trace patterns in my soft skin. I took my hair out of the bun and turned to face him. His normally clear blue eyes were cloudy, and he was trying to hide his obvious desire from me. I was lucky that my melanin stopped him from seeing my blush, evidence of the heat spreading in my abdomen and between my legs. I lifted on my tip toes and brought my lips to his. He lifted me up in his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist and kissed me harder. We made out for a few minutes before he carefully set me on the floor. His hard on was too intense to hide now, and yet he drug a hand through his shoulder length brown hair with a resigned look on his face.

"We can't do this, Lee. You're too good for me too."

So I awoke this morning addicted to Craig's touch. I'd never craved anything in my life, Smurf called it my superpower, and yet I awoke with my hand down my panties quietly whimpering for Craig. Everyone in the family knew of Baz's relationship with Julia, I thought when my conscious thoughts had returned. What was wrong with me and Craig becoming a thing? And who would be better to experience lust and love and all that with? I trusted him, he'd protected me and this family countless times before. He was unbelievably hot with his chiseled muscles, long hair, clear blue eyes, and tattoos. And he clearly wanted me last night too. There wasn't anything wrong with it. So, with that, I awoke with a new plan: seduce Craig and make him mine. I rolled over, looking at the clock. It was barely 5am. Smurf wouldn't be up making my birthday breakfast for another hour, so I slipped out of bed and quietly pulled open my sliding glass door. I tiptoed across the courtyard to Craig's sliding glass door. I opened it and found him alone and asleep in front of the TV. I'd snuck into his room countless times before, mostly to play video games after my bedtime, but this was different. I closed his curtains, enveloping us in darkness.

"Craig." I whispered harshly. He didn't stir. He was shirtless, but wearing board shorts like the party had found its way to the pool after he'd left me. "Craig." I tried again, this time poking him in the chest. He captured my finger with lightning like speed, snapping his eyes open.

"Don't poke a hornet's nest Riley." He whispered, pulling me to him. "What're you doing here?" He let me go, and wiped the sleep from his eyes. "Oh, and happy birthday!" He added, genuinely enthusiastic for me.

"How much of last night do you remember?" I asked skeptically, trying to gauge how hard my task would be.

"Robbie Davies, the idiot, tried to jump the pool in a bicycle and failed, soaking himself and the bike. Oh! And did you see the when Deran did that sick triple somersault into the pool from the roof of the shed?" He asked, his voice bright but his eyes working overtime, looking me up and down. I saw through him.

"So, you remember us." I confirmed. He gulped.

"I remember us," he answered, suddenly serious. He was a tad twitchy, like he was going to move back to put some space between us but then thought better of it. I took it as a good sign. "Why are you here?" He repeated.

"I can't stop thinking about you." I admitted, my hand hovering near his bare chest. He started breathing heavier, and I hadn't even touched him yet.

"I told you, Lee, you're too good for me. I'm dangerous." He responded, but he still didn't move.

"Do you honestly think I give a fuck?" I countered. He shook his head. "Kiss me, Craig. We both know you want to."

"It doesn't matter what I _want_ to do."

"When have you ever held back?" I challenged. His eyes flashed in anger.

"I'm trying to do the right thing, god damn it!"

"And why is it the right thing? Because Smurf hates it? Because you don't want to be like Baz? Because I'm young and you're 17? Why? Why is something we both want considered the wrong thing?"

"It's going to end badly." Craig replied.

"I'm willing to take that risk." I insisted. He studied me for a few more seconds before standing and leading me over to the bed. He took my boy shorts off, leaving me naked from the waist down. He then removed his board shorts, and then my tank top and bra. He stared at me in reverence, with each passing second his erection getting harder and harder until his dick was visibly throbbing with desire.

"It's your broken heart." He announced before kissing me gently, then passionately. He rolled a condom on as we kissed, and as our hands roamed each other's bodies. "I'm going in now, baby." He whispered. I nodded. "This is going to hurt." I braced myself, curling my fingers into the bed sheet. He went slowly, and then when he had completely sheathed himself in me, he stilled to allow me to become familiar with the sensation. "Let me know when I can move, Lee." He said through clenched teeth. I gave myself a few more seconds to revel in his length and girth before nodding again. He swung his hips in a circle twice before pulling out and then coming back inside. "I never had a fucking chance with you, did I? This was inevitable, wasn't it?" He asked as he moved, bending down to kiss me again.

"God, I hope so," I moaned as he and I came together.

"Please, Smurf, don't do this. Please don't do this." I sobbed quietly in my room as she packed my bags 2 years later.

"It's for your own good, sweetheart." She replied, fixing me with what could have been a sympathetic gaze if I didn't know any better. But I did know better; Jeanine Cody has never felt sympathy for others. I hadn't believed it until that moment, as she continued to put clothes and books in my school backpack.

"I won't touch him, I promise." I tried again, pleading at her feet. I wasn't above lying now or begging.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." She snapped, throwing more into my backpack.

"Smurf, I'm in love with him." I choked out as I watched her stuff what had to have been 20 grand in the bag.

"That's why you have to go, baby." She smiled sadly, grabbing me by my upper arm and dragging me through my doorway. I started screaming then. Shrill, bell like sounds escaped my mouth and I thrashed and twisted with every step Smurf tried to take. I could have pulled her to the ground, being twice her height and weight, but I didn't. I managed a solid kick to Craig's door just as Baz, Pope, Julia, and Deran came out of their respective rooms. Smurf paused for a second when Craig turned the hall light on.

"What the hell?" He asked sleepily, wiping the crust from his eyes before taking in the sight of me being forced down the hallway.

"I love you, Craig, she's making me leave. I love you!" I cried desperately, but Smurf kicked it into overdrive, pointing a gun I didn't know she had at her children.

"She has to go." Smurf said simply, leveling a mutinous Craig with a hard glare. When it became clear that he wasn't going to fight for me, I got up and walked to the car myself. I strapped on my seatbelt in Smurf's black Dodge Ram, and cried silently. Smurf had just gotten in the car when Craig started banging on the passenger side window.

"I love you too. I always will, Lee. I will always love you." He said, his voice muffled. "I'm gonna find you. I fucking promise to find you." He cried, screaming now. My body racked with tears. I doubled over in my seat and tried to take deep breaths to steady myself. Smurf had put the window lock on, so I couldn't reach out to him in the final seconds before Smurf's foot found the accelerator. Just like that, I was ripped from Craig's side.

"It's for your own good, baby." Smurf repeated at the bus stop. She palmed me another few grand and a letter. "Give this to Gemma Teller Morrow. She'll take care of you once you're in Charming. She owes me." I shoved the paper in my bag and stared stoically ahead. "I love you, Lee. You have to know that. You're my daughter."

"Craig is never gonna forgive you." I replied, my voice hoarse from the tears.

"I had to take that chance." She answered. "You'll both forgive me, once you've had a chance to clear your heads. Now, it's time for you to get on the bus." She pulled me into a gruff hug, almost cracking my ribs with her force. I didn't return the embrace. When she released me, I turned, pushing my waist length black hair out of my face, and got onto the bus to my new life in Charming, CA.

I awoke when the bus grumbled into the station. It was nearing 9am, and folks in suits hustled off the bus. I lingered behind everyone, making sure I had everything even though I'd only gotten my headphones out of the bag. I was the last off the bus. I descended the steps, pushing my sunglasses onto my face to cover the hurt in my eyes. As I plunged my hand into the bag, I felt the cold barrel of the gun Smurf had unearthed earlier. For a second, I wrapped my hand around its hilt, letting my fingers tickle the trigger. I sighed, releasing the weapon and stuffing it even further into the bottom of my bag. On the letter Smurf had handed me was an address, so I made my way toward the cabs. Idling in front of the only cab in the queue was a motorcycle and its rider. The rider was tall, at least 6 feet, with long blonde hair. He had bruises covering the exposed skin underneath his white t-shirt and black leather vest and that simply proclaimed "Prospect". He caught me staring and smirked, flicking his cigarette onto the sidewalk and stomping it out.

"Like what you see darlin?" He drawled, taking off his sunglasses. His eyes were bluer than Craig's, something I never thought possible. But thinking about Craig sent another set of sobs through my shoulders. I tried to regain my composure, as this mystery guy was now walking towards me, concern etched in every wrinkle on his face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. You were just staring so hard…" he started, unsure if he should try to comfort me or not.

"It's not your fault, I just really miss my boyfriend. But I have to go." I managed to choke out before ripping the cab door open and forcing myself inside. The kind stranger stared blankly at me until a scary looking man put a hand on his shoulder. Telling the cabbie the address, I shrunk back into my seat and tried to forget that I was seperated from my greatest love and only family.

The silent cab driver drove swiftly through the town. Even if I had been interested in the blurs passing the windows, he drove too quickly to see any part of Charming in any detail. Finally, he pulled up to a tan house with an expansive front yard. I handed the cabbie the amount owed for the trip plus a hefty tip as I exited the car. I was still staring at the letter when the sound of a motorcycle brought my attention back to reality. The blonde from the bus stop was pulling into the driveway as my cab pulled back out onto the street.

"You stalking me or something?" He asked gruffly, ripping off his helmet and advancing toward me menacingly. I was used to macho behavior, I'd grown up with 4 big brothers after all, so I stood my ground.

"My mom, foster mom, she sent me here. I'm supposed to find Gemma. I'm not interested in some blonde wannabe biker, sweetie." I sneered, stepping around him and making to go towards the front door. For the second time in less than 12 hours, I found my upper arm in a death grip. But he was stronger than Smurf, his hold would leave a bruise. He pulled me to him, my chest crashing against his. The move forced me to look in his bluer than blue eyes.

"Not so fast, sweetheart." He growled, but whatever he was planning to say next was interrupted by a tall brunette throwing open the front door.

"Where the HELL have you been, Jackson!?" She screeched, marching over to us. "You brought a _croweater to my house_?" She hissed once she had gotten to where we were still standing off.

"She's not a croweater, Ma. She claims that some woman sent her here to you. I'm calling bullshit, and trying to get her out of here." Jackson, presumably, answered as he took his eyes off me. I used the opportunity to wrench free from his grasp and I turned to the woman.

"Are you Gemma Teller Morrow?" I asked, my voice braver than I was feeling.

"Who's asking?"

"I'm Lee Tudor Cody, Smurf's daughter. She sent me here with this." My voice broke over the word daughter but still, I held out the letter to Gemma. She pushed her reading glasses to the bridge of her nose before ripping the envelope open and reading the letter inside. I was acutely aware of how close Jackson still was to me, but tried my best to ignore it. The heat and tension radiating from his every pore was too much. All it did was remind me of yesterday, before Smurf had dragged me out, when Craig's hands were on my body...when his long fingers had been in my body and tangled in my hair. I was so fried, exhausted, that I let the tears roll over my body. And suddenly, I was being gently engulfed by the bewildered young man next to me.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay little Dove, it's okay. It's all gonna be okay." He kept whispering into my hair as he hugged me close. Gemma placed a bony but reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"Which one was it, sweetheart?" She asked gently. I sniffled, wiping my snot on my hoodie's sleeve.

"I...I don't know what you mean." I stuttered through my sobs.

"Yes you do. Which one did you fall in love with?" She pressed, still gently.

"Craig." I admitted, and even just his name brought on a fresh wave of tears.

"Jax, bring her inside. And call Clay and the boys, this has become club business." Gemma sighed, motioning us to follow her into her home.

I'd become a project. A problem with which to be dealt. Despite his kind gesture when I'd broken down crying my first morning in Charming, Jax was vocally suspicious of me and what he only vaguely referred to as my "intentions". In every conversation, that always took place around a large wooden table, Jax would nearly scream:

"But we don't fucking _know_ her!" With a vehemence only matched by Caesar when he learned of Brutus' betrayal. There were also questions. My first week was marked with questions and phone calls and strategy sessions. I'd been labelled "club business", which apparently meant that 20 or so leather vest wearing men needed to be around to discuss "what would be done with me". I hated it. On more than one occasion I was forced to relive the most awful night of my life, when I was literally ripped from my home by the only mother I really remembered having.

Gemma was the kindest. She apologized for her 21 year old son, her second husband, and for a guy named "Tig" who'd tried to stick his tongue down my throat upon first seeing me. She gave me a room in her home and a credit card and a new cell phone. I almost threw the phone in the toilet; it didn't have Craig's number programmed and it was a new one that Craig could never know the number to. All the while, I expected a smoke signal or a carrier pigeon to come for me to let me know that Craig was on his way back into my life, back by my side. But as each day drew longer, I lost a sliver of hope.

"I'm tired of having this goddamn conversation!" Clay Morrow, Gemma's second husband, yelled one afternoon at the kitchen table.

"But we don't…" Jax began, using this opportunity to once again voice his dissent.

"Shut up, Prospect." Clay growled. All the men at the table, plus Gemma, sat up straighter as if they too could find themselves in Clay's crosshairs. I rolled my eyes.

"She fucking stays. She has nowhere else to go and was just fucking abandoned by her family." Clay continued.

"Just Smurf." I said quietly. Jax glared at me, but everyone else gave me a look of pity.

"What was that, sweetheart?" Gemma asked.

"Only Smurf abandoned me." I clarified. "Not that that's any better, but Craig would come for me if he could. He'd bring my brothers. Craig still loves me." I said, tears welling up again. Jax, who was ironically sitting next to me, put a hand on my knee and squeezed it.

"I'm sorry I've been such an ass. I just want to protect my family." He said to me as a response. I shrugged noncommittally.

"I'm not here to kill y'all. I don't even want to be here, but I also don't want to fuck shit up for you. I'm old enough to be on my own. Smurf gave me some cash, I can grab an apartment and a bike and live on my own until I graduate high school." I explained, getting up.

"No, you're staying. I've always wanted a daughter." Gemma replied sternly, gesturing for me to sit back down. "But Smurf is an evil cunt, Riley, and we don't love her here."

"Whatever. She's not my favorite person either. I'm fucking miserable because of her. And I've been sitting here for three days being debated over like I'm a fucking contract or some shit because of her. We can hate her together, Gemma." I replied.

"Perfect. Then it's settled." Gemma answered, looking at her husband and folding her hands on the table. "We'll go shopping in a bit, okay Lee? Meet me outside." The men stood in unison, retreating to the living room. I went out to the garage, acutely aware of Jax following me. He came to stand next to me, his long blonde hair pushed behind his ears. His sunglasses were hanging precariously from the breast pocket of his vest. He took out a carton of cigarettes and a lighter.

"Want a smoke?" He asked, offering the carton to me. I took one out, twirling it in my fingers, before stuffing it in my mouth. He lit it for me and together we took long drags. I'd smoked twice with Craig and the guys, before Smurf told us we were too young. I tried to look like I'd done this a thousand times before. We smoked in silence for a few minutes, as we waited for Gemma. "Look, Dove. I really am sorry for how much of an ass hole I've been. We aren't just motorcycle enthusiasts, as Clay likes to say. We're Outlaws, we're dangerous, and we have a lot of enemies. My dad built this Club and I don't want to see it fall, no matter how beautiful the woman is." He continued, looking at me with his clear blue eyes. My heart beat faster and I tried to convince myself that it was the nicotine and not how intimately Jax was staring at me.

"I'm not going to ruin your club with my vagina." I replied curtly. He smiled, broadly, the cigarette held in place by his teeth.

"I'm not so sure you understand your power yet, little Dove." He answered, still smiling like the Chesire Cat. I tried to look away, but his eyes were captivating. "You're one of us now, because my mom said so. So I'm gonna protect you like we're lovers. Maybe one day, when you're over that Craig guy, we can be." He whispered, moving closer to me.

"Fat chance," I replied through a dry throat. Jax was sexy as hell, I knew that, but I was in love with Craig, regardless of how far away he was or how doomed our relationship could be.

"We'll see." He said, still smiling, still whispering. Gemma came out to the garage just then and frowned.

"You ready to go?" She asked. I nodded, making to stub out my smoke. "You can finish it in the car. Let's go." She cut me off, glaring at Jax, and leading me to the car.

Jax was either trying to seduce me or make me feel comfortable. I couldn't tell which, but he was up bright and early on my first day of school, eating breakfast at the kitchen table when I came down. Gemma, much like Smurf, had laid out a spread of pancakes and eggs and bacon. She was chain smoking at the window, absently washing dishes. I noticed she had a 9mm on the counter next to her, sitting idly by the drying rack. It was almost normal next to the clean pots and pans. She turned when she heard my footsteps and smiled.

"Morning, baby! Help yourself to some breakfast, and then we'll head over to the high school." She said, gesturing to the food on the table. I grabbed a plate and took a seat next to Jax.

"If y'all don't mind, I'd love to take you to school. I'll even pick you up." Jax offered through a mouth of food.

"That sounds great, actually. Make sure to give her a tour, if you can remember where anything is." Gemma sneered, laughing. Jax leaned over to whisper to me, saying:

"I wasn't a brainiac like you. But I can show you the best places to cut class and make out." He winked. But that's how I found myself stuck to the back of his bike, arms wrapped around his hard waist, each morning and each afternoon. Whatever "club business" he did while I was at school was kept securely under wraps for the first year I was in Charming. Even after I'd been shot at while grocery shopping with Gemma in Stockton. I was kept in the dark after a group of Mexican men invaded Charming and tried to assassinate Clay. I was kept in the dark as I let Jax weep on my shoulder after the funeral of one of the Sons who had lain down his life to protect Clay during the invasion. I finally demanded knowledge when I'd been accosted by Darby and the Nords for being black and affiliated with the Club.

"Look, I don't have to know everything. And I've never asked any questions." I screamed at Jax four days after my 17th birthday. "But, in the last three months _alone_ , I've been called a 'croweater' by my classmates and 'nigger' by a giant bald Nazi wannabe and when I asked him why he said it was because he hated me and he hated SAMCRO. If I'm going to be asked to fight your battles, I need to know what the hell I'm fighting for." I finished, out of breath. We were at the Streams, where he took me after school each day so we could smoke and talk about shit in private. It was here that I told him the whole sordid tale of my romance with Craig, and here that he had cried with me after the funeral. I was sitting on the grass near the water, kicking my combat boots into the tiny waves and ripples. Jax was pacing behind me, his leather whipping as he made sharp turns. It appeared as if he was weighing his options.

"It's not that I don't trust you, but it's just abnormal that we'd bring an outsider in on club business when she's not an Old Lady."

"I'm Gemma's daughter, now, doesn't that make me family and not an Outsider? And everyone already fucking thinks I'm your Old Lady." I reasoned, leaning back to look at him. Even upside down, he was handsome, and for the thousandth time since arriving in Charming I thought about how easy it would be to just give in and be his Old Lady. I could get Happy to tattoo my crow, and live out the rest of my days in financial security as an Outlaw's wife. It wouldn't be the passionate romance, or the equal partnership that I'd had with Craig, but it would be simple. I could fill just a small part of the hole in my chest. I shook off the thought as Jax started telling me about gun running, Irishmen, his father JT, and the dangers of being associated with the Club.

As he spoke, I realized that no matter the vast differences between life with Smurf in Oceanside and life with the Teller Morrow's in Charming, the reality was the same. Smurf had sent me somewhere comparable to her own home. She replaced herself with another fierce mother, and made sure to surround me with strong men. Instead of Craig, I had Jax. Instead of Baz, I had Opie. Instead of Pope, I had Tig. Instead of Deran, I had the new guy Juice. She'd given me the tools to succeed. And despite how mad I would always be with her, I couldn't help but realize that maybe Smurf had given me exactly what I needed.


	3. Chapter Two

_**Chapter Two:**_

 _ **3 Years After Riley Arrived in Charming**_

"Riley. I will stick my Jimmy Choo stiletto heel up your ass hole if you do not come out here right the fuck now." Gemma hissed through my bedroom door. At 19, I hadn't found the motivation to move out of the mother hen's house. The reasoning was in part, Jax's fault, as he insisted it was way too dangerous for anyone associated with the club to live alone. My constant reminders that I wasn't just _anyone_ did nothing to assuage his fears; he'd laid down the law and I'd followed it just as I'd done since I first learned about the MC and how things worked in Charming. All in all, life in Charming wasn't too different than life in Oceanside had been, although the gaping hole in my heart that only Craig had been able to fill in my short life was still left void. After a year without Craig fulfilling his promise to come and find me, I started dating. I was a senior in high school with my pick of the bravest guys because only a dude with platinum balls would even think about hitting on the Dove of SAMCRO. But every time I let someone else inside me, I just wished for Craig. So, eventually I gave up and let the whole of Charming (including my best friend Lyla) believe that I was Jax's secret Old Lady. I'd spent years trying to overcome the loss. Gemma even sent me to therapy, hoping it would help even though it went against everything she believed in. Eventually, I was able to function, but I was essentially doomed to a life alone. Today, however, was my 19th birthday and Gemma had planned a huge family dinner to celebrate, but I was too busy crying over the plans Craig and I had made all those years ago.

" _For your 21st birthday, I'll take you down to Mexico for the weekend. We'll eat real Mexican food, surf the sickest waves, and go dancing. Maybe we'll even get Deran and Baz to go, make it a real family trip. Whatever you want, we'll get it for you." Craig whispered to me the morning of my 16th birthday. I was wrapped in his arms, laying in his bed. I still smelled of him and of sex. My hair was mussed from where he kept running his fingers through it. It was the perfect morning._

" _I don't want to go to Mexico," I giggled, sitting up to look at him. He pulled me onto his lap so I straddled his naked crotch. I could feel his twitching dick beneath me but I tried to ignore it._

" _Then where do you want to go?" He asked casually, taking one of my nipples in his hand and rolling it with his gentle fingers. I shivered with his touch, the now throbbing cock beneath me so much harder to ignore._

" _I just want to be with you." I admitted gingerly, tracing his jawline with my fingertips. He shuddered too. I loved how a single, sweet, gentle graze could bring him so close to losing his control._

" _Vegas, just the two of us. If we aren't married by then, then we can do it there. Smurf can't stop it if it's already happened." He said pensively._

" _You want to marry me?" I asked, hoping my ears hadn't betrayed me and that he'd said what I hoped he'd said. He reached over to his nightstand and pulled open the drawer, unearthing a ring box._

" _I know that we're all supposed to pretend that you're my sister like we pretend Baz is my brother, but if Baz had looked like you and been as perfect as you are then I'd have wanted to marry him too." He said, fumbling over the metaphor. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to muffle my laughs. He mock glared at me, pulling my left hand to him. "What I meant is, we fit together. And I know that this started as us being casual, but we're Bonnie and Clyde, we're fighters and lovers and even though our lives are crazy, we just work. You keep me sane, Lee. And this ring might not be an engagement ring, and I might've stolen it, but that doesn't mean that it means any less. You're mine. I'm yours. That's all it is." He clarified, slipping the ring on my middle finger and kissing me. His desire was too hard to ignore now, so I slipped him into me, and grinded on him. His eyes rolled back in his head and he gripped my hips._

" _I can't believe you stole my ring." I responded, still riding him. His eyes popped open and he smirked._

" _Yes you can."_

" _Yeah, you're right." I smirked back before riding him so hard he couldn't contain his screams of ecstasy as he came._

I twirled the simple platinum band around my middle finger on my left hand and wiped at my eyes.

"I'll be right down, Gem, I've just gotta fix my makeup." I called back. But the door opened and Jax slipped into the room.

"Hey Dove. Ma sent me over here to make sure you weren't crying over that loser again." He said as bluntly as he could. I visibly flinched in the mirror, causing me to poke myself in the eye with my gel eyeliner pen.

"I wasn't crying." I responded defensively.

"You're such a liar. It's written all over your face, Dove." He answered, sitting down on my bed behind me. He had called me Dove since that first day we'd met as he held me in his driveway, completely confused about what the hell was going on but still unable to ignore a crying woman. In the last 3 years Jax had patched into the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club. I'd learned that although Jax would never admit it, his admittance into the Outlaw motorcycle gang was basically a shoe in and his almost yearlong Prospectship was merely a formality. I've shared a dorm room at the Clubhouse with Jax ever since he patched in. I became known as the Dove as SAMCRO, for my impressive knowledge of illegal strategy and medical prowess. I'd even graduated high school and gotten my RN's license on SAMCRO's dime. When I had finished my makeup, I went over to Jax and fixed him with my best glare. I then ran a finger along the raised scar on his forearm that had once held the stitches I'd carefully administered on the side of the road three weeks ago when we got into a wreck.

"What's gonna get you over him, Riley?" He asked, pressing me some more on a topic we both knew I never wanted to discuss again.

"A lobotomy," I deadpanned, letting go of his arm and walking to the door.

"Lee." He barked, his voice hard and serious. I sighed and turned to face him again. He looked tired, as everyone now was, of my 3 year long mourning period. "I can't be your fake boyfriend anymore."

"I never asked you to be my fake boyfriend, Jackson." I snapped back. He sighed this time, and ran a large hand through his nearly shoulder blade length blonde hair.

"Everyone thinks we're together. I can't let them keep thinking it."

"Do what you have to do, Jax. I don't care." I lied. Truth was, it was easier being coy and letting everyone believe what they wanted to about my love life, which was especially interesting to the whole of Charming because of my ties to SAMCRO. I was using it as a crutch. I didn't have to answer stupid questions or prying inquiries about why such a young, beautiful woman such as myself was still single in a town full for Outlaw bikers. It made me sick. But I could also read between Jax's words. "You really thought you could seduce me, didn't you?" I asked carefully. His reaction surprised me.

"I still do think I can. But you're never going to be ready." He smiled sadly, opening the door and pushing me into the hallway. As we descended the steps I let his words wash over me. I'd thought about just deciding to marry Jax and be his Old Lady a lot since the day he told me everything in the Streams, but this time was serious. I could forget about Craig, who'd obviously forgotten about me, and choose the easy path. I was thinking about it as we were met with a chorus of "Happy Birthday's" by the whole MC, all of their wives/girlfriends and children, club and family friends, and a couple guys I knew for certain were trying to prospect.

"Y'all are too sweet!" I gushed, rushing over to give Gemma a big hug. She had made my favorites for dinner: slow cooked brisket, mashed potatoes, broccoli, and an ice cream cake. I got a hug from Chibbs next, who was easily my favorite Redwood Original.

"It's so good to see ya finally legal, Dovey. It's been an honor watching you grow up." He told me in his thick Scottish accent. I nearly teared up at his sweet words.

"Thanks, Chibbs. And thank you for everything you've done for me." I answered. For a couple years recently, he was the only one who understood my dilemma. He and his wife Fiona had been separated for years by the True IRA, with whom the Club unfortunately ran guns. Exactly two women in SAMCRO's establishment knew of the details of their illegal dealings. Gemma and me were the only ones trustworthy enough. But we still had to keep quiet about it, as not to spook the other Women of the Club. Lyla couldn't even know, and she was my best friend. Chibbs was also one of the club members who had to hear the sordid tale that brought me to Charming. Clay had pulled him into the loop when he'd heard why Smurf had banished me from Oceanside. As Chibbs pulled away, Tig came up behind me, smacking my ass and giving me a sloppy kiss on the cheek. I slapped him in return and laughed at his antics.

"Ass hole, you messed up my hair!" I laughed, running my fingers through the waves that fell to the middle of my back. I also readjusted my leggings, ensuring that they were fixed around my waist. I glared at him.

"Sorry, darlin, but you're legal now! I had to do it." He cried innocently, gaining laughs from half the room. Clay and Jax froze him with a glare that would've turned anyone to stone, but I just continued to laugh it off. I absently twirled my ring around my middle finger again, as I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jean jacket. I'd gone for casual for the family/MC dinner: black leggings, my favorite pair of gray Uggs, and a jean jacket layered over a flowy green tank top. My hair was half up, and half down, and my makeup was natural. This was also how I planned on arriving to the afterparty at the Clubhouse, but I'm sure Lyla would insist I put on something fancier.

Dinner was as expected: rowdy, funny, overflowing with food and drink, and absolutely perfect. It was tame compared to the drug and booze filled birthdays of my childhood with Smurf in which I'd watch Craig do line after line of cocaine while Deran rolled a blunt and Baz slowly drank himself into a drunken stupor before finding himself in Julia's arms. We'd crossed paths in the middle of the night too many times for me to count as we moved either to or from our clandestine encounters each night. We had a don't ask don't tell policy. Baz and I didn't need to know about each other's sexual escapades under Smurf's roof. And even though we'd shared basically everything else from pleasure to trauma, I'd never done blow with Craig. I never saw the appeal, and it was one of the things we always fought about. He'd drive me to school, do a line in the car, and then go about his day. I hated it. That's one of the things I loved most about living with Gemma, the MC did not abide by anything harder than weed within the confines of Charming. No one was allowed the hard stuff.

My phone rang during the dessert course as Jax and Opie were telling an intricate and hilarious story of how they got away from the cops the other day. The number was blocked, so I ignored it, placing the phone on the table between me and Jax. It rang 3 times in quick succession and Jax interrupted Opie.

"You gonna get that, Birthday Dove?" He asked, brushing some of my hair away from my shoulder. His plan of breaking off our fake relationship clearly wasn't working too well.

"Nah, you're talking. Finish your story...Jesus Christ." I rolled my eyes as the phone rang again. "I'm sorry y'all, I should see what's going on. It could be St. Thomas calling me back about my interview." I apologized. Gemma and Clay waved me away and returned their attention to Opie. I slipped out the back door with a glass of cognac in hand and plopped down on one of Gem's prized wicker rocking chairs.

"Hello, this is Riley." I answered, hoping it was the hospital. The person on the other end sighed. "Hello?" I asked, getting impatient. Still, no one said anything. "Look, your ass is the one who called me a thousand times during my fucking birthday celebration, either man up and say something or stop calling." I snapped, gulping down the amber liquid.

"God, I've missed that," came the unmistakeable voice on the other line. I dropped my glass onto the concrete patio, the shattering sound filled both the night sky and my ears. I could hear the chatter in the dining room stop through the screen door.

"Are you okay? I heard glass breaking." He asked, concern etched in every curve of his voice. I could barely make my brain work, let alone my voice.

"Lee. Baby?" He asked again. I could feel him straining through the phone, like he wanted to be there with me, to wrap his arms around me and take away the pain. But he wasn't and he hadn't been for years.

"Craig." The single name sounded too loud in the dark of night. I heard chair legs screeching against the hardwood in the dining room. Seconds later, Jax was by my side with Gemma in front of me.

"You're there." He sighed, and the sound was as familiar to me as breathing.

"I'm here. You found me." I answered, unsure of where we stood.

"Well, I only found your phone number. I haven't found you, yet. Where are you? I need to see you."

"Where the fuck have you been for the last 3 fucking years?" I snapped, finally finding my voice. Irritatingly, he laughed.

"God, I've fucking missed you. I'll tell you when I see you. Where are you?" He asked again, this time his voice more urgent. I looked at Gemma and Jax and mouthed:

"He wants to know where I am."

"Give him the TM address." Jax ordered quietly. I nodded and repeated the address to Craig over the phone.

"I love you, Lee. I never stopped. I'll be there tomorrow, around 8am, okay?" He said, his voice still doing things to me that I couldn't control.

"That's fine, I'll see you then." I hung up without returning his love.

Jax and I sat huddled in his dorm room at the Clubhouse that I took as my own whenever I needed to get away from Gemma or ended up working late at the garage. He was already 4 beers in. I'd been drinking Jamaican Rum out of the bottle for the last 90 minutes, and we were drunkenly strategizing for Craig's arrival in mere hours.

"Dove, you can't be alone with him until we figure out how he found you. It's important to verify him. I haven't let anything happen to you in 3 years, I'm not about to start now." Jax said wearily, resting his hand on my knees. I'd draped my legs over his lap about an hour ago and basically refused to move. After I got Craig's call, dinner broke up quickly. Gemma tried to talk to me, but I'd just grabbed the rum bottle and my helmet before hopping on the back of Jax's bike. I'd managed to drink an eighth of the alcohol before he started driving.

"I know." I replied, trying to decide just how drunk I needed to be before seeing him in the morning. But that's when it hit me. I'd been in love with Craig since I was 12. My parents had been professors at the local state university. My mom taught English and my dad specialized in astrophysics. My mom, Natalie, had met Smurf on the beach one day when I was about 5 when a 7 year old Deran ran into me and knocked me over. Baz had helped me up while Smurf apologized profusely to my mom. I even remember Craig slapping Deran over the head when Smurf wasn't looking, explaining that "you couldn't do that shit to girls." Smurf and my mom exchanged numbers and became fast friends in the year before my parents had gotten hit by a drunk driver. They'd left me at Smurf's and since we didn't have any extended family, child services left me there. I was Smurf's from then on.

I'd never had a chance. Craig was tall, athletic, ridiculously good looking, and a feminist in a really weird way. Falling in love was easy, and I'd known nothing else. As Jax kept saying things out loud about my protection and how much he already hated Craig for the years of shit he put me through, I studied him for the first time. His overlong blonde hair, his tattoos, his scars, the ever present leather on his back. Those blue eyes that had held me captive that day at the bus stop. He was objectively handsome. And he was the most badass of badasses. How had I never even kissed him? The rum was thinking for me now. I put the bottle down and shook my jean jacket off. I took the flowy tank off next and got up.

"What the hell are you doing, Dove?"

"How do I even know that I still love him?" I whispered, advancing to Jax on uneasy feet. Jax was having the hardest time looking away from my DDDs in the lacy bra I'd chosen for its looks and not its function.

"You do." He said back confidently. But he still allowed me to straddle him in the desk chair he was sitting on. I ran one hand through his hair and put one on his broad shoulder. "Dove, don't do this." He breathed as my nails traced his scalp. I was used to men telling me not to do things at this point in my life, and I was tired of it. Especially when his physical reaction was unmistakeable and once again I reveled in my ability to force control out of a man's hands.

"Why not? I never really gave anyone else a chance. I need to know for sure if Craig's really it for me." I pushed closer to him, guiding his hands to my hips. He took hold of me, closing his eyes. When they reopened, the blue irises were stormy. He wanted me.

"I can't do this with you. Any other girl, I'd fuck her right now. God, and I could fuck you better than Craig ever could, Dove. But you don't love me like I love you and I can't do this to myself." He replied, capturing my lips in the most surprisingly sweet and gentle kiss. It was brief, too brief, but he easily pushed me off him and walked out of the room, leaving me alone and half naked on the bed.


	4. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Three:**_

My alarm rang at 7am. Someone had charged my phone and tucked me in. And set the alarm. Confused and hungover, I slid the alarm off and looked around for my angel. Gemma was sitting in the desk chair I'd tried to seduce Jax on last night and staring at me. She had advil and coffee waiting for me on the nightstand and a new outfit was hanging on the doorknob.

"Oh good, you're up." She said sweetly, too sweetly.

"You're a lifesaver." I croaked.

"I know. I stocked the bathroom with some of your favorites, I figured you didn't want to smell like Jax when Craig showed up. Also your makeup is in there. I hope you like the outfit, I know it's one of your favorites. Breakfast is downstairs whenever you need it."

"Do you know where Jax slept?" I asked, sipping the coffee to help the pills go down.

"Not with you; I had to literally pull him out of some fucking croweater downstairs." Gemma shuddered. "But don't worry, he and the boys are armed to the nines, darlin." She continued, waving behind her as she closed the door. Deciding not to prolong the inevitable, I hopped in the shower and started the getting ready process. After I'd gotten dressed, I checked my phone. It was 8:05. I couldn't tell if he was here or not, but he'd made me wait 3years, so I could make him wait another 10 minutes while I put my makeup on. After approving myself in the mirror, I ran a hand through my hair and headed downstairs. As expected, Jax was fully dressed, chomping on a muffin in one hand and casually holding his 9mm in the other. No one else was in the Clubhouse.

"Is the entire Club outside pointing guns at him?" I asked. Jax nodded.

"Maybe not pointed directly at him, but they're all locked and loaded." Jax clarified, sipping coffee from a mug on the coffee table.

"How was that croweater you fucked last night?" I asked, my voice dripping in surprising disdain.

"Not you." Jax replied, levelling me with a vulnerable look. I was tired of people saying that to me. I couldn't look away, so he did. "Let's go get your Prince Charming." He said after a pause, setting the coffee and muffin wrapper on the table and leading me towards the Clubhouse's front door. In the brief moment I had to hear Craig without seeing him, and without him seeing me, I heard him say "I love her and I don't fucking answer to you. Where is Riley?" His words died on his tongue as Jax pushed the door fully open and revealed me. I had on my favorite pair of jeans, they were flare leg, dark wash and had a few artful rips down the legs. Gemma had brought me a form fitting sweater in a soft lilac, that rode up just a little as I walked towards him. I had let my hair fall in its natural waves, still damp and a little wild. My eyes were intense, lined completely in liquid liner on top and gel liner on the water line. I'd applied more mascara than I'd ever imagined possible. Craig looked battle worn, but still unbelievably handsome. He had gotten taller, if that was possible, and broader. His shoulders were massive, and he'd put on muscle. But even from here I could see scars on his face and arms. He was wearing jeans and a surfer tank top that he'd owned for years. I'd even worn it a few times. Conversely, he also looked well groomed, like he'd just finished trimming his beard and mustache and hair. And oh that hair. It was longer than I'd ever seen it, longer even than Jax's, and he'd had it wild and flowing like mine. I also spotted a couple hair bands on his wrist. He was speaking, saying something, but I was entranced. I hadn't moved, I hadn't said anything, I was still just staring at him when the realization hit me. His eyes, usually so warm and expressive, were dead and vacant. His scars were jagged and hard, unlike the normal battle wounds a job might garner. He was wearing his clothes from when he was a teenager, like someone who hadn't had time to go shopping. I hadn't heard from or seen him in 3 long years.

"You were in prison." I stated, softly at first. Everyone snapped their heads around to look at me. I'd apparently interrupted Clay's attempt to get Craig to leave; I registered the action around me for the first time. Clay had a large hand wrapped around Craig's bicep and was still trying to pull him. Tig had drawn his gun and was openly pointing it at Craig. Jax had moved to stand in front of me and unholstered his own gun.

"Everyone calm the fuck down." I ordered, sounding like Gemma, who I saw now was watching the scene unfold from the glass enclosure of the garage's office. Slowly, the Redwood Originals calmed down.

"Who told you that?" Craig demanded, coming toward me, but stopping when Jax trained his gun on him. I rolled my eyes.

"For the love of God, Jackson, move." I snapped, pushing him out of my way and standing closer to Craig.

"Your boyfriend has a right to keep us apart, Lee, I'm dangerous." Craig said, his voice barely above a whisper, but still full of his old dry humor.

"One he's not my boyfriend, and two, you've always been dangerous and I've never cared. Why the fuck would I start now? Back to the point, you were in prison."

"Yeah." True to Craig form, he didn't hang his head in shame in this moment. He wore it proudly, like the honor it was.

"Did y'all get caught?" I asked, trying to pull the information from him.

"It was just me. After Smurf sent you here, I...I got out of control. Smurf didn't know that you tethered me to earth. She didn't know you were my gravity. I went after the guys who assaulted you all those years ago. They weren't hard to find, shit heads were creatures of habit. I finished the job." Craig admitted, almost refusing to look me in the eye, but I reached up and forced him to look at me, holding him by the jaw so he faced me.

"You killed two men because you fucking missed me? And you let yourself get fucking caught? How the fuck are you not still in jail?" I screeched. He didn't try to move, but he did steady himself by holding onto my hips.

"Smurf hired the best lawyer, got me out on parole for being such a good little prison boy. I got out yesterday, took my share of all the jobs they'd pulled in the last 3 years, packed a bag, got on the Ducati and left."

"How'd you get my number?"

"I forced it out of Baz. He got it for me when I was still inside."

"How did Baz get it?"

"From Gemma, he overheard Smurf and her talking one night and then called the garage, pretending to be a friend of yours from nursing school to get your cell number. I'm so proud of you, babe, you got your RN degree!" He looked at me then, his eyes alight with pride and admiration. It took everything not to kiss him right then.

"This isn't about me yet. You're riding around with what..? Almost half a mill in cash?"

"Yeah. I was gonna sweep you off your feet again, take you away so we can make a life for ourselves."

"What're you gonna do for work, Craig? Fight? Kill more people? Pull more jobs?"

"I'd do whatever the fuck it took to make sure you had the best of everything." He snapped, finally growing restless and annoyed with my Spanish Inquisition.

"Oh, really? What the fuck do you think you can do for me?" I cried, letting him go and pushing him away. He snapped, dropping his control and charged back to me, wrapping me up in his arms and forcing his tongue in my mouth. He worked my mouth with his tongue, a hand tangling itself in my hair. I moaned into his mouth, loudly I'm sure, as he kept up the brutal pace. Finally, he released me, and held me closer still. I chose not to look at SAMCRO.

"I can make you happy. I can make you come. I can make you wild. I can make you sane. I can make you mine again, Lee. Never doubt that, baby." He said fiercely, every muscle in his jaw tensing. He looked a strange mixture of turned on and furious. His words had affected my body and mind as I'd hoped they would. I was hooked again. I was already his, even if he didn't see it. I stepped away from him and smirked.

"Good. You're still you." I replied, cocky. He stared at me, open-mouthed.

"That was a fucking test? You were fucking testing me?"

"Look, I'm not a little girl anymore. I've learned how to take care of my shit. I wasn't about to let you into my life, into their lives," I gestured to my SAMCRO family, "without verifying that you were still who I'd fallen for all those years ago." Craig encircled me in his arms again, gentler this time.

"I've always been yours baby. Smurf thought she'd get me back my sending you away. If she won't have you then she can't have me." That's when he took my left hand in his right and grazed his finger against my ring. "I can't believe you still have this."

"Yes you can." I countered.

"Yeah, I can." He smiled against my lips before pulling me into another kiss. It lasted a few seconds longer than what was strictly appropriate in public, so Jax cleared his throat. The bikers had stowed their weapons, for now, but looked fairly mutinous.

"This is all super peachy and all that good shit, but we have a shit ton to talk about, Dove." He said sternly, ordering me into the Clubhouse. Craig tightened his hold on me.

"Thanks for all you guys have done to keep her safe, man, I'm really appreciative but I think I got it from here." He stuck his hand out for Jax to shake. Jax, however, just gave me a pointed look before turning on his heel and heading back into the Clubhouse. I turned to the office and waved Gemma out, following the merry band of bikers back indoors.


	5. Chapter 4: TRIGGER WARNING

_**Author's Note: WARNING-sexually explicit content ahead. The content may be triggering.**_

 _ **Chapter Four:**_

"You were sexually assaulted 6 years ago?" Jax asked, angrier than I'd ever seen anyone be. He slammed his open palm on the Clubhouse bar, causing Gemma's carefully prepared breakfast to go toppling to the floor.

" _I'm pulling a heist on my own." Craig whispered, pushing my hair behind my hear. It was nearing midnight and I had been nearly sound asleep. But his words spiked adrenaline through my spine. I sat up, pulled my thick locks into a ponytail, and then jumped out of bed. Craig finally continued as I shimmied into a pair of black ripped skinny jeans and a black tank top._

" _What're you doing?" He was smiling widely at me._

" _Uhm, I'm obviously going with you." I responded, adding eyeliner to my look._

" _What's with the spy outfit?" He laughed as I put on my combat boots. I glared at him and his ensemble of jeans and a blue t shirt._

" _Look, pal, it's my first job."_

" _I just need you to drive the Ducati, baby." He whispered, pulling me into his arms and kissing me, hard. His soft lips claimed my own possessively. The physical feeling of being willingly turned into an emotional attachment formed that night as we made out with his hands placed firmly on my ass. "It's your job tonight to keep us safe, Lee. Can you do that?" He asked, nibbling on my neck._

" _Of course I can." I answered confidently. He palmed me the keys to the bike._

 _I threw my leg over the side of Craig's Ducati and scooted forwards until I was so pressed against the front of the bike it felt like I was trying to impale myself. Craig got on behind me and secured himself by wrapping his arms around my waist. At 15, i'd driven this particular bike more times than I could count since Craig taught me to drive it at 12. He used our old system of tapping my left or right side to tell me which way to turn. We ended up at a small beachfront surf shop about an hour away from the house._

" _Why here?" I asked Craig as he got off the bike._

" _Low risk, high reward. Plus, they sell jewelry." He winked. "Be ready." He stole through the night, pulling a mask over his face. It was a quiet and cold night in January. Most folks knew better than to be out and about at the beach at night. My paranoia was on overdrive as I waited for Craig. I had a 357 magnum tucked in my boot that I hoped not to use. Not even a minute had passed before I heard a voice._

" _Dude this ain't where I parked my car. This is the fucking ocean, man." A man's voice sounded from the small stretch of roads to my left. Had I not been leaning on a curb that had been painted bright orange, I might've gone unseen due to my brown skin and black clothes. I pulled out my cell phone and sent a quick text for Craig that there was danger. Though provocative, I bent at the waist to grab the gun as a second voice rang out._

" _Look at that_ ass _," the guy cried and began walking quickly closer. Craig had uttered the same thing as he sank into me from behind what felt like years ago._

" _Nah, man, it's all about her titties." The first guy responded. I finally turned to look at them, keeping the gun hidden. As I suspected, they were a couple drunk surfer dudes: blonde, brown eyed, malicious grins._

" _Let us see your pretty pussy pretty baby." One of them said. The other was fast, grabbing and pinning me to a rock. The first joined in, ripping at the cotton of my tank top. A couple thuds, one in the distance, told me the gun had fallen and maybe so had the bike._

" _Get the fuck off me." I growled, scratching at the guy holding me down. The other had my bra off. My nipples betrayed me, growing hard in the sudden cold air. The men laughed, their breaths reeking of alcohol. As one lowered his mouth to my breasts, the other plunged a freezing hand down my pants._

" _No!" I tried again, my scream piercing the night. The only consolation I could find was that at least Craig was getting a good haul from one of his first solo jobs._

" _You guys seem to be taking what's mine," Craig's voice came first, his face coming into focus next. He was too calm. My assailants didn't take him seriously, choosing instead to continue to assault me. Craig grabbed them each by the scruff of their necks and knocked their heads together. Even at 18, Craig's physical presence was threatening due to the sheer number of hours he spent working out. He knocked them both around as I scurried away to grab the gun. I covered myself as I went. When I returned, both guys were bruised and bloody and Craig was snapping pictures of their IDs with his cell phone. I forced the barrel of the 357 into their line of sight._

" _I should kill you," I said coldly pointing the gun at each in turn._

" _You can't!" One cried pitifully._

" _Shut the fuck up!" Craig yelled, stomping on the man's nuts._

" _But clean up is messy, so I'll settle for this." I gripped the gun in my hand and smashed it against both of their skulls. "Let's go." I said to Craig, who spat on each before climbing on the back of the bike behind me. I chose not to wear a helmet so I could try to be purified by the salty ocean air. Craig held me as I sobbed that night, and affixed a necklace with a pendant of quartz and goldstone that was supposed to bring healing and strength to the wearer. I'd always believed in the power of stones and nature, so I understood now why he'd asked me along on that job and why he'd hit that surf shop._

 _Smurf found us the next morning after we'd hidden the cash. Craig gave me half. Because we'd always been close, I explained to Smurf that I'd snuck out to go to a party on the beach, gotten assaulted, and had to call Craig to pick me up. I'd simply latched onto the first friendly face. She had no idea, then, that we were in love. And to be honest, neither did we._

I told the story factually with Craig's hand on my knee and Jax's eyes on my face. Unfortunately for me, the entirety of SAMCRO was standing in the Clubhouse. So the cacophony of noise that had erupted the moment it was clear I'd stopped speaking for good was deafening. In the biker world, I'd witnessed once or twice, it was customary to pay respects to a woman of the club who had been wronged. That usually included kisses on the hand, grovelling, and generally sweet behavior. Normally, then, it was also customary for the club to exact revenge on her behalf by killing everyone involved. Many a man goes to war for his woman. But Craig had already done that, even if it had taken a year. But this was apparently Jax's problem right now.

"Why didn't you go back and kill the sorry mother fuckers when it fucking happened?" He screamed, spit flying from his mouth and his hair flying around him. It took Craig a moment to realize that Jax was screaming at him. And even then, he looked to me before answering.

"Because it was significantly more important to make sure Lee's mental health was intact and that she didn't end up spiraling into a deep depression or some shit, ass hole." He answered.

"I think it's because you're fucking weak." Jax replied, his voice laced with a hurt that only Gemma and I could hear. Craig took a deep breath to steady himself, but it was too late for that. Whatever control over his temper that he'd found in prison was waning fast. He stood and upended the table we had been occupying. Silverware, mugs, played, and food remnants all splattered me, Craig, Jax, and Gemma. But Craig stepped over the debris and pushed Jax back into the opposite wall.

"You're not the only one who loves her!" He roared, pinning Jax to the wall. I'd never seen Jax manhandled, and I'd never seen him against a physically bigger opponent. In my eyes, at least, his sheer fearlessness and cocky attitude made him generally larger than anyone. But Craig towered over him. Craig was 6 foot 3 to Jax's 6 feet even. Craig was also nearly twice his width from decades of working out. And while Jax was fearless in the ways that mattered when you were an Outlaw biker, Craig genuinely only feared losing me. He didn't care about anything else. The Redwoods were on them in seconds, but not before I wedged between them.

"Craig calm the fuck down." I said over the din of men yelling and bodies moving. "You aren't enemies."

"He wants to have sex with you, unless he already has, and that's a fucking problem for me Lee." He said, still thoroughly pissed off and trying to punch Jax. Over Craig's shoulder I saw Clay hanging back with Gemma, a speculative look on his face. I slapped Craig across his cheek and everyone stopped.

"Just so you know, I've fucked a whole horde of men in the last 3 years, none of them was Jax. I would like to reiterate that y'all aren't enemies and you need to calm the fuck down." I pointed to the sad couch in the corner near the pool table and jukebox. "Sit down." I ordered. When Craig backed up, I turned to Jax.

"And you get that fucking smug ass look off your face. You ain't shit either, provoking him like that. I know you ain't scared of anything, but that man there will fucking kill you. All he knows is loyalty to his family."

"The family he just deserted." Jax said under his breath when I had turned around to follow Craig. I wheeled around again and punched Jax in the nose.

"Say that shit again when you know that you'd do the same goddamn thing if the place you called home separated you from the club." I snapped. Everyone was quiet for the moment.

"Craig. Pending a club vote, of course, I'm inviting you to Prospect." Clay announced. The guys knew better than to cause uproar at their President's words. "In the meantime, you are more than welcome a place in my home. And I'm sure she'll agree, you can stay with Dove in her room." I nodded vigorously in response. "Boys, it's time for Chapel."


	6. Chapter 5: Trigger Warning

_**Chapter Five:**_

Craig and I headed home after we'd cleaned up the Clubhouse. Gemma drove ahead of us, and I'd hopped on the Ducati, taking the handlebars. Craig scooted on behind me and we were off. After dropping his bag off in my room, we sat outside to talk.

"So. About those hordes of men you've been with." Craig started. I rolled my eyes.

"It was 2. In high school. Neither of them matter, they just wanted me to help them get into SAMCRO."

"I don't like it." He said simply.

"I don't much like it either." I replied. "Also, when they vote you in, you have to take the Prospectship."

"I just left a dictator, why the fuck would I go back to working for other people? I can pull my own jobs and you can help me. I'll support us."

"Babe, I'm tired of running, of not having roots. And I have a life here in Charming. I don't want to leave." I regarded him closely. "Aside from me, it's an incredible opportunity. You'll have a worldwide brotherhood, you can still be an Outlaw and earn money, and you'll be fairly autonomous. Plus you can ride your Ducati all the time." I pitched, taking his hand and tracing the lines on his palm.

"Why is this so important to you?" Craig asked finally, after not speaking for awhile. I thought about it. Life with Smurf and the Cody's had been manipulative and dysfunctional, but I had enough of everything, if not an excess of everything I'd needed. But the rules, the expectations, were always malleable and never defined. You fell in and out of favor based on Smurf's mood, not by any set of bylaws or regulations. The Sons of Anarchy were different. Upon walking into their world, you were given a set of rules and expectations. I knew from the moment it became clear that I was staying with Gemma what was to be expected of me. I knew what Charming thought of me, I knew what the Mayans and the Niners thought of me, and I knew what my new family thought of me. Like the Cody's, everyone was ferociously loyal. Unlike the Cody's, SAMCRO had never cast me out. Even when everyone was convinced I was dating Jax, Gemma treated me as her daughter. I had been so close to repeating the Craig situation in Gemma's house the whole time, but she kept me. She warned me of the implications, of course, and the importance of being a good Old Lady even if it was just in appearances, but she was also the motherly figure I needed.

"Because, Smurf felt threatened by the shit she didn't understand. She didn't like us together, she didn't want to lose you. Gemma and SAMCRO is similar, they take threats seriously and she also doesn't want to lose any of her kids, but she kept me when she had no reason to. And she raised me. And the Club accepted me all when I was trying to raise hell and trying to find you and mourning you. Gemma loved me even when she thought I was dating Jax. She tried to work with me. Once I was family, I was family. There was no turning back, no sending me away. And that's why I don't want to leave and why this is so important to me. We can still be together while living the life we basically already had." I elaborated. Craig seemed to ponder this as he stared out into the fenced in haven of Gemma's well tamed garden. I stared too, remembering how often I'd planted flowers and pruned trees and weeded the bushes.

"Where would I live?" He asked after a 3 minute pensive moment. "I'm not gonna stay here for too long, in Clay's house. I don't want to rely on them for shelter."

"We can go apartment hunting as soon as you want." I told him.

"And what exactly are these guys doing, Lee? And why do they call you Dove?"

"I can't tell you the particulars. You need to earn their trust, just like I've had to. And I can't tell Club secrets to a non member unless specially told to do so by Jax or Clay, who are VP and Pres respectively. They call me Dove because it's a nickname Jax gave me my first day in Charming. I was crying over you, and he was trying to comfort me. Later, I earned it because Doves are symbols of peace and I'm considered off limits because of the medical help I've provided rival gang members."

"So this ass hole is in a position of power? And he's the reason you're so cool to everyone else?"

"Let's get one thing straight, I am the reason that everyone thinks I'm cool. Mostly because I'm super cool. Secondly, yes he is in a position of power. But he's not an ass hole. He just cares about me." Craig rolled his eyes.

"You're telling me that in 3 years he's never made a move? You've never even kissed?"

"We kissed once. That's it." I admitted.

"When?" He asked, looking me dead in the eye. I held his gaze.

"Last night." Craig tried again to steady himself with a breath, but he was once again too far gone from calm for it to work.

"GOD DAMN IT." He roared, scaring a couple birds in the trees planted in Gemma's yard. I remained silent, still, as Craig stalked the yard looking for a way to take out his aggression.

"Babe." I said after he sat back down in front of me.

"I can't even look at you right now." He said sadly. That felt like a knife to the gut. "I went to prison instead of being without you." And if I thought his first comment had been hard to stomach, the second nearly killed me. "I couldn't be without you, Lee. Every second killed me, it killed me until I couldn't take it anymore and I had to kill someone else. That's what being without you did to me."

"I was 12, Craig."

"When what?"

"When I realized that what I wanted from you wasn't brotherly advice and teasing. I was 12 fucking years old when my body started aching for you and 14 when I finally learned what lust was. My entire life has revolved around you, and I've never known anyone different."

"So you kissed HIM?!" He yelled, pointing to Jax as he walked through the door. Jax held a leather prospect cut in his right hand.

"Congratulations. You can prospect for a year and if we think you're cut out to be SAMCRO, we'll patch you in." Jax announced flatly before throwing the cut at Craig. Craig caught the leather, turned it over in his hands and then got up.

"I can't do this right now." He responded, taking the cut and walking back through the house. The front door slammed in the distance. I refused to look at Jax. But that didn't stop him.

"Trouble in paradise already? It's only been," he looked at his watch, "4 hours and 13 minutes since he got here."

"Not now, Jax. And stop fucking enjoying it. I'm struggling here." I snapped, still not looking at him. But something in my tone must've tipped him off, because he took Craig's seat and put a hand on my knee. I shook him off.

"Dove, come on." He pressed, but wisely kept his hands to himself. "What happened?"

"I told him that we kissed last night."

"You have like, zero self preservation skills, you know that right?" He snorted. I glared at him as his phone rang. He was still laughing when he answered. "Yeah I'm with her. He took the leather, so I think it's a yes." Pause. Then: "You're on speaker." He said after a moment.

"Riley." Clay's voice came through the speaker. "Alvarez needs medical attention. Take the Prospect and Jax over to their Oakland bar." He ordered.

"Any idea what I'll need, Clay?"

"Not a clue, but it should be simple. His sergeant didn't sound too worried."

"We're on it." Jax said before hanging up. "Do you know where Craig is?"

"I didn't hear the bike, so he's probably out front." I answered wearily. We got up simultaneously, and walked through the back door into the house. Craig was, in fact, in Gemma's driveway, doing a line off his finger. Jax and I both stopped short.

"Where'd you get the coke?" Jax accused, immediately advancing towards Craig, but I pushed him away.

"He didn't buy it in Charming, calm down." I snapped. I hated the constant combativeness that my relationship with Jax had become in the last 12 hours, but I had other things to worry about with Craig here, still doing blow.

"You _know_ about this?" Jax asked, whispering. I glared at him.

"Craig, I need protection. A rival gang leader needs medical help that I provide and Clay's asked you and Jax to accompany me." I said, even though Craig still hadn't acknowledged my presence.

"I'll follow y'all. You should ride bitch on his bike." Craig responded, putting his helmet on and mounting his bike. I ignored the last sentence and tried to slip on behind him, but he shook his head and nodded toward Jax's bike.

"Jesus Christ." Jax said as I mounted his bike. "He's really not going to let you off the hook, is he?"

"I guess not." I confirmed sadly as I pulled on my helmet. Craig waited patiently for Jax and I to get going down the road before following closely behind. When I looked behind me at a traffic light, I noticed he'd put on the leather. So there may still yet be a chance for me.

The Mayans ran a small subsection of Oakland with minimal help from SAMCRO. The Niners, about a month ago, had taken the vast majority of their territory. If Laroy had talked to Clay or the Club, in an effort to keep the peace, we likely would have counseled against it. But as it stood, the Niners were in control of Oakland in a circle around the Mayan clubhouse. The Mayans were left with a smaller circle that was located in the middle of the Niners, like the target area of a bullseye. Concentric circles, constantly trying to keep space between them, but ultimately failing. Entering and leaving the Mayan area in any direction meant passing through Niner stomping grounds, which was always dangerous for anyone in a SAMCRO cut. Or anyone in general, if they weren't with me, that is.

Laroy and some of his crew had been attacked just outside of Charming a year and a half ago. Darby and his merry band of racist Nazis ambushed him in a crime of opportunity. Jax had been taking me back home from nursing school, in Stockton, since it was a particularly volatile time for the Club politically. It seemed to me that being an Outlaw had less to do with breaking the law and fucking girls than it did brokering temporary, fleeting deals of peace with the groups around you. Despite being in conflict with everyone: the Mayans, the Niners, Darby's crew, our own Irish contacts, and the entirety of the Californian police force, I'd made Jax stop on the side of the road so we could help Laroy and his gang. I'd stitched the Niners up, set broken bones, and cleaned wounds. I even gave shelter to those terribly injured (including Laroy) in Charming, in Gemma's house, to ensure they got healthy. Since then, I was basically off limits. Plus, as Laroy put it, he's "morally and ethically opposed to killing or maiming such a fine black woman as yourself, Dove." Even so, Jax didn't trust anyone, so I was always entered either territory flanked by at least 2 Redwood Originals or their prospects.

We pulled up in front of the bar Marcus Alvarez and the Mayans had converted into their clubhouse after the Great Takeover. Two Mayans were guarding the door, hands on their unholstered guns. I knew there were more I couldn't see. Alvarez kept a rotating group of sentries all over his part of town to keep him safe.

"Javier, Alejandro. It's good to see you both again." I smiled at the glaring bodyguards. They tore their eyes away from Jax and their minds away from their hatred of him. Neither seemed too keen to ask about Craig.

"Dove, it's beautiful to see you, as always." Javi replied, smiling at me.

"How's Leena? Doing well?" I asked. Javi's smile faltered. "You have to keep track of her depression, Javi. Postpartum is more serious in women with a history of anxiety and depression." I scolded, dropping my voice. Some things, even SAMCRO didn't need to know.

"Yes ma'am." He said quietly.

"You remember the support techniques we went over?" One of my first memories from nursing school was the emergency birth I'd conducted and the long talks with Javi about depression and the stigma of mental illness. He'd laughed at me that day, and still won't tell his brothers in leather about Leena's problems, but at least he was trying. I knew he loved that woman more than he loved himself. I looked at Craig, then, and searched his hard face for any signs of our old passion. I found something, a steel beneath his warm brown eyes, that I hadn't expected. Jax's baby blues kept nothing at bay, but even now he was gazing at me like I was the sun.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. _So do them_ each and every night and day." I switched to a normal volume. "I've got orders to see to your boss. Is he in there?" I asked. They nodded and led me in. As they walked us to Alvarez, Craig lowered his voice to my ear.

"How'd you know about his wife and new baby?" He asked.

"I delivered his son. And during labor I talked to his wife. When she and Javi Jr. were sleeping, I got to know Javi Sr." I whispered back. We got to Alvarez who was bleeding profusely on a pool table. "Marcus, why'd you have to go and ruin a beautiful pool table, my man?" I teased, sliding on my gloves and approaching him.

"I'd laugh, but I've been shot. Who's the giant?" Alvarez replied, deadpan.

"He's my kind of boyfriend." I started to disinfect his wound. "Did you try fighting the Niners again?"

"I'd rather talk about your love life. Alejandro will be heartbroken to hear you might have a boyfriend." Alejandro snorted in the background, and I swung my head over to smirk at him. It was no secret Alvarez wanted me in Mayan green; it helped that Alejandro was his nephew so I'd also really be in the family.

"Alejandro doesn't give a flying shit, Marcus. That was your dream, not his."

"Who has time to keep track of those kind of details?" He asked flippantly, waving his hand in front of his face. "And I thought you were Jax's Old Lady."

"She's not." Jax said bitterly.

"I'm not." I confirmed, injecting him with a local numbing agent. "This still might hurt, despite the numbing. But I've gotta get the slug out." Marcus steeled himself but still let out a small gruff of pain as I fished the metal out of his arm. His guards were silent, but tense as they watched me work. Trust wasn't earned or given in the Outlaw world, it was absorbed with bloodshed and shared secrets. Even though I was a peaceful party, I was not neutral, and I had access and the knowledge to make a devastating or fatal move. Javi and Alejandro might have liked me, or hated me less than any other Crow affiliated person, but they trusted no one but their blood when it came to their President, their leader.

"Does The Giant speak?" Alvarez asking through gritted teeth as I began my careful stitching.

"You'll have to ask him, his name is Craig." I answered, poking my tongue through my teeth as I focused. I'd learned Alvarez was a vain man, hoping for the least scarring as possible when the stitches dissolved.

"Gringo, do you speak?" Alvarez looked dead at Craig, who was keeping a watchful eye on everyone with a gun, just as Jax was.

"When I have a reason to." Craig responded. I continued stitching Alvarez, but smirked anyway. This Craig was the bloodthirsty, loyal man I'd grown to fear and love in the same breath. He gave nothing away. His vulnerable side was meant only for family. For me.

"What's with the ambiguity? Why won't you commit to Dove?"

"That ain't got shit to do with you." Craig snapped.

"Prospect." Jax said, a warning in his tone.

"Marcus, please. It's a long and complicated story." I tried to divert his attention, but Marcus also fixed me with a look of warning and exasperation. Despite our shaky peace, I had no interest in making him angry. SAMCRO had lost peace on smaller infractions than an uncomfortable conversation about my love life.

"I've had a shitty day, Dove. Humor me." Alvarez ordered. I sighed and took a deep breath.

"3 years ago, I lived in SoCal with a different family. Craig was technically my foster brother, but we fell in love. The parent found out and sent me up here to live with Gemma. We lost touch, mostly apparently because he went to prison and I didn't know. But he found me when he got out, and now we're here." I finished him up, bandaged the stitches, and took off my gloves. I took a seat on the pool table next to him. And together, we surveyed the two main men in my life. One as fair as the other dark. Each with arms crossed over their chests; each desperate to keep me safe. But safety wasn't love, and despite the distance time created, Craig also wanted to make me happy. Jax's love was selfish, self-serving, his own need to have the perfect Old Lady on his arm. I'm sure he believed he loved me, but I knew differently. I'd been touched by the kiss of Venus, enthralled by Cupid's arrow, and the Gigante in front of me was the one. I snuck a peek at Alvarez, the old Romantic, and noticed he was reading each man as closely as I was. Somewhere in his Outlaw heart, he had love for me, for the Club, and for the peace we now shared.

"I'm not understanding the problem here, Gigante." Alejandro spoke up from the corner. Younger than Javi, but more battleworn, Alejandro spoke rarely and purposefully. Prideful as hell, I was surprised he'd weighed in. The Mayans were like the Club, accepting me for my value and never hating me for our differences.

"Listen, Gigante, reentry is hard. I get that, but don't let this one get away. If SAMCRO didn't have her so well protected, she'd be in green right now I promise you. I will never understand why she isn't someone's Old Lady." Alvarez cut Alejandro off. "Why the fuck didn't _you_ snatch her up?!" He accused Jax, waving his good arm in the blonde's direction. Jax just shrugged his shoulders.

"She's been in love with him since she was a kid, Marcus. I tried my best. She doesn't want me." Jax addressed Alvarez but was staring at Craig, who still hadn't spoken.

"Thank you, for the medical help. And the story. It's not safe at night, you should head out." Alvarez dismissed us abruptly, and we were led out. Once out of earshot, near where Jax and Craig had hidden their bikes, I turned to them.

"Aside from the bizarre choice of a conversation topic, Alvarez was especially weird tonight, right?" I asked.

"I've never even met the dude and even I could tell that he was weird." Craig chimed in.

"I don't know what that was about, but we really can't worry about it right now." Jax whispered, pointing down the street towards a couple new faces. They were all wearing purple. The Niners were harder to control than the Mayans. Alvarez rang his gang with an iron fist and compassion while Laroy lead the Niners in ruthless fear and unpredictability. There was no telling what anyone gangster would do on a whim. Despite my protected status, I didn't have any confidence that we could get out of here unscathed.

"Niners." I whispered back, so Craig could hear. He didn't know what that meant, or who they were, but he did notice the subtle shift in the air that brought forth tension and distrust. "Can this day get any worse?" I lamented. Craig snorted as the three guys stopped in front of us.

"What you doing on our territory, boy?" The one in front asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"They're with me." I stepped forward. The men surveyed me as all men do, eyes skimming over my large breasts to the curve in my waist, down to the curve of my full hips. Their eyes lingered where all men's eyes linger and both Jax and Craig noticed. I steadied my gaze at their leader. I saw a distinct tattoo of the roman numeral for 9 on his neck.

"Why would such a pretty young thing like yourself be with two crows?" He questioned, smirking. I smiled back, walking towards him.

"I ain't from around here, honey. I didn't know who to shack up with." I said, my voice saccharine. I prayed that he bought my lost and confused act. He looked over my shoulder at Jax and Craig, still smirking. "Why don't you give me your name and number, and I'll give you a call later? Ya know, after I've dropped the bodyguards." I continued, putting a hand on his chest. I let my nails grave his chest through the cotton fabric. I felt his muscles constrict beneath my touch. He smirked even wider before speaking.

"I'm Damian. I run this block for the Niners. It's 510-555-2578." He recited. He thought I was adding his number to my phone, but I was really just pressing random buttons.

"Alright, D, I've got you saved. I've gotta run." I smiled, leaning on my tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek. He made sure to grab a handful of my ass as I did. I could feel Craig ready to kill him and was unsurprised to see him being physically restrained by Jax as I walked back over to them. The Niners retreated, and I turned back to Craig and Jax. I was ready to speak when I heard the gunshots. I was on the ground before I knew what had happened. Craig's body covered me, and Jax was firing into the alley from the direction the Niners had just retreated.

"Get her on your bike and fucking go!" Jax screamed, giving us cover. Craig didn't even give me a chance to try and get up on my own, he scooped me into his arms and hauled us both on the bike, gruffly passing me the helmet. Jax swung a leg over his own motorcycle and we peeled off down the alley, through the residential streets, and finally on the highway.

"Something's wrong!" I screamed, but the wind took my voice and it combined the traffic around us. Craig couldn't hear me. But I tried to make him hear me as hard as I could by poking him and prodding him with all my strength. Nothing worked. The panic built in me, the wind rushed in my ears too loudly. My heart beat in my throat. I couldn't look down, I couldn't let myself look around. I just knew that something was irrevocably broken. And that's all I remembered.


	7. Chapter 6

_**Chapter Six:**_

 _ **Craig Cody**_

The leather was heavy on my back. I'd stitched the top rocker on myself over 6 months ago, but today I could feel the small change in weight more so than I could other days, especially now as I stood in front of Laroy. I'd crossed my arms nearly an hour ago, when this bullshit had started, and they had long since gone heavy with numbness. Jax and I stood shoulder to shoulder, keeping watch. It had been 18 months. 18 months since my world had fractured. 18 months since the entirety of Charming had fallen into disrepair. None hurt more than SAMCRO. 18 months and this shit hadn't been fucking solved. And I was more than a little upset of being told "brains before bullets" by every member of the Club. The saying was easy when you hadn't spent your entire life loving her. Being smart wasn't a problem until the rage and thinly threaded control I held onto blurred my vision and took over my thoughts.

"I told you a year and a half ago, we took care of the problem!" Laroy screamed. I was done, so I pushed past the line of my brothers, and shook off Jax's warning hand to stand directly in front of Laroy. I smacked my hand down on the table, rattling the guns, bullets, and liquor glasses.

"My Old Lady nearly had a fucking heart attack after seeing _your dude_ outside our fucking window. I came home and she was sobbing with a gun in her hand. She fucking _saw_ him, Laroy!" I roared. After cultivating the strong, silent giant archetype (Lee's words, not mine) for over a year and a half, I'd shocked everyone. I figured I'd go for gold, so I pulled my 9mm out of my holster and pointed it at Laroy's head. "We've been incredibly fucking nice to you, Laroy. But I'm fucking tired of it. I'm not the President, I'm basically a fucking nobody in this Club, but your man shot my Old Lady and ran the fuck off. She SAVED YOU, do you need to be reminded of that? And I can take your life away. Damian George is still alive and you're protecting him. I don't give a shit that he's your god damn nephew. Kill him or we will. I will start a mother fucking war. Test me." I pressed the gun further into his skull. My brothers, as always, had my back. Jax had a gun in each hand and was snarling at the closest Niners who had gotten up to protect their leader. Clay had lit a cigar, and was lounging in the chair he'd been offered when we had entered the club. Chibbs, too, had his gun trained on Laroy.

"He'll start a war, Laroy. I can't stop him." Clay repeated, blowing out a puff of smoke. "It's out of respect that I haven't done it already. She's my daughter. She's everything to this Club and your man shattered her." I holstered my gun, and left the room. I was shaking as I mounted my bike and got my helmet and sunglasses on. I took three deep breaths. I was so stuck trying to calm myself down that I didn't notice Jax getting on his Dyna next to me.

"Laroy called for war. We have 5 minutes to get out of Oakland." He told me. I saw the rest of the Club walk leisurely from the building and get on their motorcycles. Laroy watched as Clay made a show of finishing his cigar before he even thought about getting on his bike. We were down to 2 minutes.

"Let's ride, boys." Clay announced when he was comfortable on his bike. I rolled my eyes and smirked as we started our bikes in unison. We left Oakland, unscathed, with seconds to spare.

"Where you headed?" Bobby asked me when we'd all pulled up to Teller Morrow. I looked down at my watch.

"It's 6, I've gotta get home. I've been away from her for too long." I replied. "Clay said it was cool. I gave my proxy to Jax." I continued, heading into the garage's office to say hi to Gemma.

"See you later!" Bobby called after me. Gemma was sitting at the desk handling 4 customers at once.

"Ah, just the man I was looking for. Mrs. Oswald needs her white Lexus brought round front." Gemma announced with a fake smile when she saw me. I took the keys she threw at me and found the Lexus in the garage. After bringing round all four cars, I finally had her alone.

"How is she?" I asked without preamble.

"You know, she has a phone. And a voice. Try asking _her_." She snapped back, taking a long drag from her blunt. She offered it to me, but I declined. "You know, that line you did that day wasn't what got her shot."

"If my head had been clearer, maybe I'd have seen the warning signs earlier." I recited, the words more familiar to me than the lines on my palm.

"You should talk to Lee. She needs you to take off the kid gloves, Craig." She counseled, blowing out smoke and looking just like her husband.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, Ma." I rolled my eyes and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She scowled at me.

"I'm fucking serious!" She called out as I left the garage and mounted my bike again.

I was home in 20 minutes flat. I'd taken the money I'd gotten from Smurf and bought a house in the same neighborhood as Clay and Gemma. After the accident, Jax bought the one next door. We'd fenced in the entire yard, both houses enclosed by the same black gate, and it was like our own little combine. Lee had thrown herself into decorating everything just the way she wanted it. It was her mental therapy.

My only thought that night was getting her home. No one knew that she'd been hurt until she fell off the back of my bike the moment we'd gotten back to the SAMCRO Clubhouse. She fell off as I was pulling top speed into the parking lot. The only thing she remembered was the highway and how she'd tried to get my attention, to tell me to stop. I hadn't heard her. She was in the hospital for four agonizing days as they tried to set her shattered leg. She'd been shot in the shoulder, but her leg had been crushed when she'd fallen off the bike and then the bike had fallen on her. I'd done line after line at the hospital as we waited for news about her health. Jax saw me, and started screaming. I screamed back. And after Jax and I tried to kill each other with our bare hands, we'd united. We presented a strong front as her main champions for healing. That's what she'd called us on her first day home. She needed us both, and we took shifts for two months until she was better enough to do things on her own.

"I love you both, but neither one of you knows how to do a black girl's hair. So the first thing I'm doing is driving my janky looking ass to the hair salon." She'd announced the morning she'd been cleared by her doctors to resume normal activities.

"I'll ride with you." I'd replied, sitting at Gemma's breakfast table. Gemma was sipping coffee at the kitchen island.

"No, you have Club business. I'll go with her." She said from the counter. She gave me a look I now knew to mean "don't question me, little boy." I kept my mouth shut and Jax and I watched as she left our side for the first time in 8 weeks.

"I don't even know what to do now, man." I said to him when they had left. We hadn't moved from the front door.

"Me either, bro. What did we do before everything happened?" He replied.

"Coke." I answered, smiling down at him. He even smiled back. "And before that I was in prison."

"You know she hates it, right?"

"The prison or the coke?"

"Both, but she can only fix one."

"I haven't touched it since the hospital. I'm never doing it again."

"I know that, but she doesn't." Jax stressed, finally moving from the open doorway. I followed him, because I didn't know what else to do. The door slammed shut behind us. "Clay's been talking to Laroy about tracking that Damian guy down. Are you sure you don't remember his number?"

"The last thing I remember from that day is some random ass mother fucker's phone number." I repeated for the tenth time since it had happened. Laroy wasn't sure who the right guy was, or so he claimed. I'd been tempted to just kill everyone in purple until I found the right guy. In my eyes, they were all responsible.

"Yeah I know, me too. We'll find him though. Revenge is what SAMCRO does best." Jax replied, draining the rest of his coffee. "I'll see you in a bit at Chapel, brother." He clapped me on the back and I was left alone.


	8. Chapter 7

_**Chapter Seven:**_

I walked into my house to the smell of spaghetti coming from the kitchen. Lee was mixing cookie dough at the counter, shaking her ass to "Low Life" by Future and The Weeknd. The music was as loud as it could go and I knew that she was trying to drown out her own thoughts. Despite living together and despite me referring to her as my Old Lady, we've never actually talked about it. Every time I've asked her to get my crow tattooed, she's laughed and asked me when I'm planning on getting a girlfriend who wasn't scarred and broken. She always sounded light, like she was laughing and it didn't matter, but I knew her too well and I read her eyes. She meant it. She wanted me to find someone else because she thought she wasn't good enough anymore. I may have read several of her psychology books.

"Babe." I screamed to be heard over the music. She smiled, turning it down.

"Never waste a hoe's time, Craig." She said, referencing a lyric in the song.

"I'll do my best. What's cookin'?" I asked, sitting on a barstool she'd carefully chosen because of how similarly it looked like Victorian architecture. I got a look at her. She was wearing short denim shorts, her attempt at becoming more comfortable with the long scar running the length of her leg. But I'd be willing to bet anything she hadn't left the house today, so her attempt was never tested. She had a knife on her hip and was wearing a holster over her gray v-neck top and a gun hung in each available slot. They swung into her side every time she moved around the kitchen. She clearly expected the need to protect herself.

"Spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, a salad for me, and chocolate chip cookies." She rattled off, pointing to each item as she spoke. "I've got an excellent wine from a local vineyard, a gift from Alvarez. It's decanting as we speak." She continued, still smiling at me.

"Are we celebrating?"

"You had a hard day, I'm sure. There was another meeting with Laroy?" She asked, sweetly. I was dreading this moment.

"We've declared war." I told her. She stopped cold, the plate of food she was carrying teetering dangerously on her fingertips.

"War?"

"War."

"What is it good for?" She continued.

"Absolutely nothing." I finished, smirking a little at her joke. She didn't smile back, only narrowed her eyes even further into slits.

"Then why is it happening?" She questioned.

"Because you can't hurt SAMCRO and expect to walk away from it." I replied simply. She leveled me with one of her old glares.

"That's a bullshit answer."

"The Club has to keep up its reputation. We have to not be seen as a joke to everyone outside of Charming, or else what are we? It's been too long since revenge, and we tried the diplomatic approach but it didn't work. I'm sorry, babe, but they can't hurt you and get away with it. To me, to Jax, Clay, the rest of the guys, that's not a bullshit answer."

"I don't agree with the needless slaughter of African American men, Craig." She replied angrily, her voice low and dangerous. It was the voice of a past Riley. She'd been too meek, too eager to please and not cause waves in the last 18 months that I'd forgotten how assertive she could be. I loved that I was bringing that out of her now.

"It's not about their color, Lee. We'd do this if it was Darby or the police force or anyone else who attacked our family. You have to know that."

"I don't want anyone _else_ to get hurt, you have to know _that_!" She countered. We were at an impasse, and one we'd seen before. "You didn't want me with you because you thought you were dangerous. But that's never been the truth. I've always been the dangerous one. I don't want to be bad for you, but I am." My temper was already on a short fuse. I didn't plan to go off on her, but it was the only thing that made sense to me at the time. Maybe it had been Gemma's advice that set me off. But the next thing I knew, I had trapped Lee, her back against the kitchen wall, my hands on either side of her, the platter of food separating the heat from our bodies. It only made me want her more.

"I'm never gonna let you say that about yourself ever the fuck again." I started, my voice low and dangerous to match her earlier tone. We brought the worst out in each other, for damn sure, but we also inspired the best. "It's been a shitty year and a half, I get it. But this is how the fucking world works. I'm gonna kill every single Niner that I can. I know it ain't gonna solve shit, and I know that it's not going to make you any happier, but it's what has to happen." I continued, voice still low. She hadn't taken her eyes off me, I could see her thoughts running behind her eyes. "Now, here's what going to happen. We're gonna eat this delicious meal. Then, we're going to the Clubhouse because it's Friday and there's always a party on Friday. Then Happy is gonna tattoo my crow on you, goddamn it, because you're my Old Lady and that's how this world works. Do you understand me?"

"That's how the world works?" She asked, breathless. I nodded. "We're bad for each other."

"Damn right we are. Let's eat." I sat at the head of our tiny table and waited for her to serve the food. She took her time, making each plate perfect before setting them down before us.

"Other than the meeting with Laroy, how was the day?" She asked, spinning the noodles around her fork.

"Uneventful, despite war happening. We helped move the Mayans to a different part of Oakland, closer to Stockton. Jax and I had business to handle with the Irish. The usual shit, you know." I replied, shoveling a forkful in my mouth. Nothing about today was usual, but Lee didn't need to know that. The meeting with the Irish, in which I was mostly used as muscle, was stressful and didn't end particularly well. Jax wanted out of the gun running business. Something about Riley's accident had inspired him to turn the Club as straight as he could without freaking out the power hungry Clay. Lee had told me once that in the Outlaw world, brotherhood and loyalty wasn't earned through similar interests and wearing the same leather; it was forged from steel through secrecy and deceit, common enemies, and stronger bonds than hopes and dreams. I felt that with Jax, a deep and dark bond sprouted from a poisoned seed of mutual hatred for the Niners and mutual sorrow and guilt over Riley. "What did you do?"

"Well, I cooked. And I cleaned the house. Gemma and Lyla came over to hang for a little bit. Same old same old." She replied, continuing to eat. I resisted the urge to sigh.

"Did you want to get back into healing the depraved? Because a few of the Mayans were asking about you."

"No, I'll leave that job to some other poor soul." She answered. But even as she tried to hide it, I caught the sadness in her eyes. We ate the rest of the meal in silence, the only noise the music on the speakers and the clang and twang of our forks. She put the food away and the dishes in the dishwasher before turning to me again.

"I'm gonna shower and then I'll be ready to go. Is that cool?" She asked me, putting on a brave smile.

"Wear those shorts. Or a skirt." I requested as she walked down the hallway. She stopped short, but didn't say anything. I heard the water running as I sat at the table. It took me a full 4 minutes before I got up my nerve. I hadn't had sex since the night Smurf took her from me. I'd never considered myself abstinent, but after a 4 and a half year drought I couldn't take it anymore. I left my clothes in a trail in the hallway. The steam from the shower made the bathroom foggy. She looked at me through the glass door of the shower. Her guns rested on the counter next to the sink.

"What're you doing?" She asked.

"I want you." I told her. She looked over my naked body, taking in the sight of my already erect cock.

"I can see that." She retorted, poking her head out of the shower. She continued to look at me, deciding what she'd do next. "Well come in then. And I mean that literally." She said finally, opening the door for me. The first thing I did was capture her mouth in a kiss. I worked her lips gently, mouths closed. I entangled my fingers in her hair with one hand and cupped her ass with the other. I massaged the muscle, kneading and rolling my fingers closer to her entrance. She let out a small gasp when my long middle finger brushed over her clit. I used the opportunity to stick my tongue in her mouth. I backed her into the shower wall and her hands found my dick.

"Ah." I moaned as she ran her palm over my length. "I've fucking missed you."

"Or you've missed fucking me." She countered, breathless. We worked each other with our hands and fingers until she was finally begging for me. "I need you inside me, Craig, I need it." She mewed. And I obliged, picking her up so her legs wrapped around my waist, I entered her fully and slowly. She was just as tight as I'd remembered, just as ready. The coke had always been what I needed when I needed it. If I needed to be numbed, it did it. If I needed to be hyper, it did it. If I needed to calm down, it did that. But being inside Lee was like being drugged in another way. As I pumped in and out of her, watching her eyes roll back into her head and feeling her clench around me, I thought about my first high and how it could never trump this moment. Her nails dug into the skin on my shoulders. She was losing control, and I was worried about coming too early, but this was the most perfect moment I'd had in years. And only she could make me feel everything at once.

"I love you." I whispered in her ear as I came. She came after me, tears streaming down her face as she did.

"I don't know why." She replied. "I'm broken, now."

"Baby, you were broken before." I teased. She smiled and wiped at her face with her hands. The doorbell rang loudly, breaking us from our moment.

"Who the fuck is that?" She asked, scared.

"Don't worry, baby." But I had already tensed up. I wrapped a towel around my waist and pushed my wet hair from my face. I grabbed one of the guns and took it with me to the door. I put my cut on over my bare chest and looked out the peephole. It was Jax.

"Jesus Christ, Teller. You scared the shit out of me." I said when I'd opened the door. "It's just Jax, babe." I called out to Lee.

"Tell him he's an ass hole." She answered, shutting the bathroom door.

"Y'all hadn't picked up your phones. I got worried." He explained, sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Let me get dressed. We were about to head over to the Clubhouse."

"Wait!" Jax said, rather forcefully, as I had started to walk away.

"Really? Whatever you have to say can't wait until I put on some pants?" I laughed.

"I'm bringing a girl to the party. She's meeting me here first." Jax explained.

"That's great man, anyone I know?"

"Nah, y'all haven't met her. She's not from Charming. I need your help smoothing it over with Dove."

"I don't think she's going to care…" I started.

"It's a change. And I don't want her to be thrown off by it. I don't want to trigger anything."

"She's pretty preoccupied with the concept of war, so I think you'll be alright. But really though, I can't cover my dick?"

"Just help me run it by her." He almost pleaded.

"Jesus Christ, yeah, yeah I've got your back. I'm gonna get dressed now." I answered, picking up my clothes as I headed back to our bedroom. Although this is where my clothes were, I'd spent the last 18 months sleeping on the couch. I hoped that tonight, that would change. Lee was in there, shirtless, braless, and shimmying into a short black skirt that hugged every curve on her body.

"What's up with him?" She asked, nodding to the door.

"He's got a girlfriend or something and is afraid that you'll be mad when you hear about her." I shrugged, dropping the towel and grabbing a clean pair of boxers. Lee was staring at me and licking her lips.

"I'm gonna need to suck on that when we get home." She said gesturing to my groin. I smirked.

"As you wish, baby."

"He's really nervous about me liking his girlfriend?" She continued, slipping on her bra and heading to the closet. I pulled my jeans back on, and got a white SAMCRO shirt from the drawer. I pulled my wet hair into a bun at the nape of my neck. Lee re entered the bedroom wearing a light blue tank top with spaghetti straps, perfect for the summer weather.

"That's what he said. So be nice to him about it?" I asked, slipping my arms around her waist. She'd gotten thicker in the last year and a half. Her once skinny features filling out into incredibly sexy curves. She put an earring in each of the four holes in each of her ears and pulled on a chunky silver necklace.

"I'm sure she's fine." She replied, applying a tiny bit of makeup. The doorbell rang again and Jax called:

"I'll get it!"

"Oh that's probably her. I'm gonna go say hi. Hurry up!" I said smiling. She stuck her tongue out at me but appeared to accelerate her process. I heard a female laugh as soon as I entered the hallway, followed closely by Jax's tell tale chuckle. They were in the kitchen, and Jax was pouring her a glass of Alvarez's wine.

"Craig! This is Wendy, she's a bartender in Stockton."

"Hi Wendy, it's nice to meet you." I shook her hand.

"Craig's like a brother to me and Opie." Jax continued.

"I've heard a lot of great things about you, Craig." Wendy replied. She was about 5 foot 7, with big boobs and long blonde hair. She was wearing jeans and a black t shirt with a skull and crossbones on it. Her green eyes were lined with thick black liner, but her smile was gorgeous and genuine. I was running out of small talk when Lee joined us.

"Hi! I'm Riley." She announced, holding her hand out to Wendy. They shook, a little hesitantly, I noticed.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Wendy." She clung a little closer to Jax, who was staring at Wendy like the sun shone out of her ass hole. I snorted and everyone looked at me.

"My bad, I was just thinking about something Lee said earlier." I covered, lying terribly.

"How'd you and Jax meet?" Lee asked, shooting me a look.

"I stumbled into her bar last year, after everything happened. I needed a drink but she wouldn't give it to me. Made me tell her everything instead." Jax smiled, kissing Wendy on the top of the head.

"I have a knack for telling when folks need to talk. He needed to talk." She clarified, shrugging. "We've been together ever since."

"You've been together for a _year_! And you never told me, Jax?!" Lee cried. I cringed and tried to calm her down by bringing her closer to me, but she resisted and pulled away, marching up to Jax. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't want to distract from your recovery." He said, holding his hands up in surrender.

"You're a fucking idiot, Jax. I would've been happy for you regardless." She replied, hurt. "Let's go. Our absences won't go unnoticed." She continued, sticking her knife in a holster between her legs. She marched outside, presumably to sit on my bike and wait for me.

"You know she's just hurt, right?" I told Jax and Wendy.

"Yeah I know. That doesn't make this any easier."

"I didn't think it would. I'll see you two at the garage?"

"We'll give you a head start." Jax replied as Lee honked the tiny horn on my bike. I'd awoken at three am to the sounds of the bike crashing the night she'd installed it. It hadn't even been the most surprising thing that I had awoken to in the dead of the night after the accident. About a month into her recovery, I'd been sleeping restlessly, so I'd gotten up to get a glass of water. We'd still been in Gemma's house. As my eyes adjusted the darkness, as I'd drank the water, I noticed that Lee was outside, furiously scrubbing at the concrete. When I'd approached her, her hair and eyes had been wild.

" _Lee, what's going on babe?" I asked nonchalantly. She stared up at me with a vague, vacant expression that was out of sync with her furiously moving hands. I saw the sponge she was using had been reduced to a nub of absorbent whatever the fuck sponges are made of. The bucket of soapy water was tinged with red, from the blood on her raw palms. I kicked both away carefully._

" _It's not clean, Craig. I couldn't sleep. I have to clean something." She explained hastily, reaching for the water bucket._

" _You've gotta get back inside, sweetheart." I responded, trying to keep my voice from wavering._

" _No. I have to clean something, Craig." She responded, her voice cracking when she said my name. For the first time in our relationship, and for what I hoped would be the last, I took away her human given right to make this decision for herself. I couldn't let her clean until she bled, so I scooped her up and brought her inside. Her screams awoke Jax, who helped me coax her into taking her prescribed pain pills. I'd thought about taking some myself, but she needed it more. Once she was asleep, I'd travelled around Stockton to all of the Mayan territory, looking for blow. I came across Alejandro and Javi, who recognized me immediately._

" _We ain't sellin that shit to you bro." Javi said when I'd told him why I'd risked my life to find him._

" _We like Dove too much." Alejandro explained as he took out a joint from his pocket._

" _You have to. I just need an hour in a different world." I begged._

" _Nah, Gigante. That girl needs both of your feet firmly on the ground, not up in a cocaine cloud. You'll thank us later." Javi responded, taking a couple puffs of the joint before offering it to me. I took two puffs, passed to Alejandro, and got back on my bike. Lee was sound asleep when I got back, her hands bandaged carefully. I slept propped against her door that night, and for many nights the following months._


	9. Chapter 8

_**Chapter Eight:**_

Teller Morrow was packed to the brim when we got there. I took my sweet time backing my Ducati into its reserved spot so that Lee could get her bearings. It's one of the things I'd had to learn about post-accident Lee, she just needed a couple extra minutes to get comfortable in whatever space she was in. She hopped off the bike first as I turned it off and kicked the kick stand down.

"I need several drinks." She said, whispering in my ear. I resisted the urge to grab her and kiss her until it stopped my heartbeat and I was dying from lack of air.

"Then let's get you drunk." I smiled at her. We walked into the bar with my arm around her shoulders. One of our old prospects, Ratboy, was manning the bar tonight with Filthy Phil. Happy was the first face we saw, he had his tattoo gun out and was finishing an epic piece on Opie's forearm. Lyla was holding his other hand, but popped up to give Lee a hug and kiss before returning to her man.

"That's gonna look sick when it's done, man." I told Opie, yelling over the music. He smiled and dapped me up. Happy glared at us both.

"It won't if he keeps fuckin moving." He snarled. "You look hot as hell, Dove. Lemme know if you get tired of the Gigante and want a real man." He told Lee, winking in our direction before returning to his work. I'd pull him aside to talk about Lee's tattoo later, if we remembered. We continued further into the Clubhouse, passing Juice and Chibbs who were in an intense game of pool. Bobby was standing watch, commentating for anyone who'd listen.

"Hey Elvis, how're you doing?" Lee said, sliding into the crook of his arm for a hug.

"Hey sweetie. Juice is getting his ass kicked, want to watch?" Bobby replied, pulling her close.

"Nah, I'll let Juice keep his dignity." She answered, pulling away from him.

"You look beautiful, darlin." He told her sincerely, squeezing her hand.

"Thanks, Bobby." She answered. I clapped him on the back and finally we found our seats at the bar.

"Rat! A beer for me and the top shelf whiskey for my Old Lady. Neat." I called to him. He nodded and slid the beer down the bar to me.

"Hey! Look! He didn't break it this time." Lee laughed, offering Rat a high five. He smiled and slapped her hand.

"I'm getting better, Ma'am Dove!" He was grinning like a fat kid who'd just been given his own chocolate cake.

"Either Lee or Dove, will suffice. I'm the same age as you are." She replied, still laughing. I smiled at her, happy for her happiness. I almost forgot about the war, until Clay whistled from the front door.

"Ladies and Outlaws, you'll notice that this week's party is more exclusive than the others. We've asked our members to bring their families. Their kids, their parents, their Old Ladies, the ones they hold closest to them. Family is the backbone of SAMCRO. Without you all, we wouldn't have each other.

"As some of you may know, my daughter, Dove, was shot in the shoulder 18 months ago while on a peaceful run to Oakland to take care of an adversary. The injury wasn't caught immediately, and she'd lost too much blood to keep her balance on the back of the bike being driven by her Old Man, the second son I never knew I wanted. They crashed, here in this parking lot, causing her more injuries. But she's better now, and while that's the most important thing, her assailant was never brought to justice. The Niner who shot her still lives, and despite our best efforts to go about this in a diplomatic way, her Old Man called for war and that call was answered. SAMCRO is under threat. We are being hunted. And it is important that we all stay whole." Clay announced. The audience watched him in rapt attention. Lee was shaking next to me. I pulled her onto my lap and glared at those brave enough to look our way. "We love everyone in this room, and it is our duty to protect you. Tomorrow morning, we're getting in extra forces from brother charters all across the country. We'll also be holding classes for those interested in learning how to use a gun. Old Ladies should report to our Queen, Gemma, with any questions they have about staying safe. She's putting together a phone tree and some other shit that will help you stay in groups when leaving Charming. You are safe in this city, as you always have been.

"If you're interested in hosting a few extra members in your homes, please talk to Gemma. Anything else, please see me." Clay finished, pulling Gemma close to him and giving her a kiss on the forehead. She looked uncharacteristically nervous, but I shook it off as Lee hopped down from my lap.

"I'm gonna tell Clay to put 4 or 5 of them in our place. And another 5 in Jax's." She told me, not elaborating on how we'd fit 5 grown ass men in our 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom home. I didn't stop here though, because I knew she'd house them all if given the chance. Jax and Wendy joined me soon after she'd battled her way through the crowd.

"How's she doing? Clay's speech was unexpected." He asked, worry creasing his face.

"She was shaking, but I think she's fine. I'd told her about war before we headed over. At least she wasn't surprised." I told him. He nodded in response. We sat in silence until she returned, looking sour faced.

"He fucking fought me on it. Told me that I didn't need to host _anyone at all_." She snarled, snorting. "Like that was ever gonna fly. If we're going to war for me, then I'm gonna do my goddamn part." She continued, signaling Rat for another drink.

"Speaking of, how'd the vote turn out?" I asked Jax, wrapping my arm around Lee's waist and pulled her back to me so she was still facing the crowd.

"We'll announce it later, let the shock of war wear off." He smirked, taking a swig of his beer.

"Baby, where's the bathroom?" Wendy asked Jax, her voice sweeter than sugar.

"I'll take ya, Wendy, since Ratboy is taking so long to get my drink." Lee responded, detangling herself from my arms and bouncing off toward the bathroom. When she was out of earshot, I turned to Jax.

"I can't keep her locked down. Like every moment tonight I thought it would be just the two of us, that finally we could just be together, she runs off. Or you ring the doorbell. It's like the universe is trying to cock block me."

"You sound like a little bitch, whining like that." He laughed, taking a seat on the barstool next to me. I punched him in the arm and shot him a look.

"But I'm not kidding! I finally got to bang…" I started, but Jax interrupted me.

"FINALLY!" He cried. "You've been celibate too long brother."

"Thanks, ass hole. But finally, she let me in and I thought I would finally get her heart too but she's just determined to keep as many people around us as humanly possible."

"Maybe that's exactly what she's doing. Maybe she doesn't think she can handle it yet." Jax countered as the girls walked up, both looking like they were trying to hide their anger.

"Take me to the dance floor, Craig. And get me another drink." Lee ordered, shocking me and Jax. I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong but she glared at me and spoke before I could. "Craig Cody, so help me God, if you do not get me a drink and join me on the dance floor I will find Tig and let him turn me the fuck out." She said through clenched teeth, no longer trying to hide her anger. She stalked off toward the jukebox, which she immediately started fiddling with.

"Rat…?" I called, but he had already put a triple shot of whiskey on the bar near my elbow.

"I heard. You should go out there, she's actually heading toward Tig." Rat warned.

"I've always liked you, kid. Remember that." I said to him. "I'll see you later?" I said to Jax and Wendy.

"Probably not." She answered snootily. I chose to ignore the comment and decided instead to find my girl. I was halfway to where Lee was dancing in the middle of the room when I heard the song playing.

"I'm just a bachelor…" Ginuwine was singing. Lee had her eyes closed. I was suddenly reliving the first night we'd had sex.

" _I mean, the swell in San Bernardino is sooo much better than the swell over here." The busty blonde that I'd met while scoping out the local community college for a job was babbling. I was barely listening to the bimbo, who had approached me like a Tazmanian Devil and basically stole my phone to enter the number. She thought I was a football player. But I knew she'd be an easy lay. I took a large sip of my rum and coke to avoid telling her that there wasn't any swell in San Bernardino since it was fucking landlocked. But then I saw Lee's curves sashaying past me. To avoid choking, I spat it all over the blonde and her breasts._

" _What the hell?" She cried as I pushed past her._

" _What the fuck are you wearing?" I hissed at Lee as she made herself a drink._

" _Clothes." She responded, feigning innocence._

" _Barely." I laughed bitterly, grabbing her by the hand and taking her to the living room, away from the people. The music was muted in here, but still loud enough to dance to. She had her drink in one hand and a smug look on her face. I couldn't stand it. "Change." I ordered, pointing to the hallway to indicate that she should head back to her room._

" _No." She said simply. I ran a hand over my face, closing my eyes and trying not to snap at her. I couldn't explain why I hated that everyone else could see how sexy she looked. I couldn't tell her that I was selfish and a piece of shit, that I wanted her more than a brother should want his sister. But I tried to, anyway._

" _I won't have guys looking at you when you have that shit on." I replied, waving my hand at her chest and ass._

" _Why not?" She cried back, fiery and full of indignation. "I want a boyfriend eventually one day, why not now?"_

" _You're too good for them." I screamed back at her. The beat changed as the song changed. I'd always be able to recognize the song. Pony was what had been playing when Lee had first snuck into the club with us. She'd been dancing with another dude at the time, but I got hard just watching her swing her hips and run her hands over her body. Deran had been the only person between me and an assault rap that night, I was so close to punching the dude. I made the mistake of telling Lee how hot she had looked, that the song was my weakness._

" _You're missing a hell of an opportunity, Craig." She teased, placing her drink on the coffee table. She looked like she was planning on going back outside, to dance with some other guy, and the rage I'd felt that first night roared inside my chest. Whatever logic I had put up a good fight, but I gave into my primal instinct._

" _No I'm not." I announced, leaning down to whisper in her ear. Her limited experience in grinding on dudes was apparent as I wrapped my arm around her waist. She stood there, a little shocked, so I moved us a bit to get her going. She started grinding, giving it her all, and I knew I couldn't rely on my wobbly legs to keep us upright. I couldn't let go, so I basically dragged her by her hips to lean against the closest wall. I ran my fingers down from her hips to her bare thighs, as she worked against my crotch. It was going to be too much soon, I thought as I moaned. I let my fingers linger gently across her skin, raising goosebumps where I left my touch. She wound her hand into her hair and let it tumble out of its ponytail. I tried my luck and stayed with her past that, even though I could feel myself losing any semblance of control I'd convinced myself that I have. She turned to face me and read my face. She was flustered, no blush raising from her cheeks, but still I could tell that she felt things she'd never experienced before and that I was the cause. I didn't know what was happening, since the world had stopped turning and everything was happening in slow motion, but the next thing I knew she was honoring me with sweetest kiss. All instinct took over as I lifted her in the air and kissed her harder, demanding her mouth open to let my tongue in. My dick was throbbing, aching, needing, and I wasn't going to take her virginity and her innocence in one night, so I set her down. I tried to regain composure, dragging a hand through my hair, but it wasn't working. I had to get out of there and find the blonde._

" _We can't do this, Lee. You're too good for me too." I told her, unable to keep the sadness from my voice._

I'd been struggling with my impulses and my need for control since I could remember. Smurf never thought I was as smart as Baz, she never trusted me like she trusted Pope, and never gave me the attention I wanted because Deran needed it. All I'd had, growing up, was what she called my fearlessness. I'd do anything, for anybody, without hesitation. It had worked to my advantage in the family until the day Deran pushed Lee into the sand and into our lives. Suddenly, the only thing I needed was control and self restraint. I couldn't fuck her and never call her again because she was living with us, and I saw what Smurf did to her competition. So I had to learn subtlety and control while my fire raged on in my heart and mind. I'd look at her and need her instantly, but I had to turn it down and cut that shit out. So, I used all the control in my body on her, making sure I didn't fuck shit up. It made me restless in everyday life and when we pulled our jobs. I'd do anything, getting loaded before each job and showing up higher than the sky. I repeatedly put everyone in danger, but everything always worked out in the end. Even when my mistakes got me shot, or thrown in jail the first time. If I had to control myself around the one thing I wanted, I'd had to overcompensate by never controlling anything else.

The day Smurf found out about us and literally drug Lee from our home was the worst day of my life, by far. I felt personally responsible. If I'd had more control, then maybe I'd have pushed her away the morning after her party. If I'd had more control, I could've at least been near her, if not with her. If I'd had more control, she wouldn't have been depressed for 3 years, waiting for me. Maybe she could've had a chance. But it was too late for what ifs.

I wrapped my arm around her when I'd reached her, her back to my front. I rested one of my large palms on her stomach. I handed her the glass, and she took a large sip of the amber liquid. As we danced, I surveyed the room. I had a clear look at the front door, the only entrance into the Clubhouse. Since joining SAMCRO, I was always on the lookout. Jax and I had come out of Lee's accident more diligent than we were before. There's something about watching the person you love fall to the ground in pain when you could've stopped it that makes you take steps to ensure that shit never happens again. But, because of war, Clay and Chibbs were standing at the door. I assumed a couple prospects were stationed outside too. For the time being, I could enjoy the time with my girl. She set her glass down on the nearby pool table and turned around to face me.

"When can we head out?" She asked, licking her lips. She had let her long, black hair down awhile ago, and it was tumbling down her back in sexy waves.

"We're announcing something else tonight, babe. So, soon, I hope." I answered, kissing her lips. I loved the way her eyes looked after kisses. They were molten, almost black, and calculating, almost longing, and completely satisfied.

"Ugh. Club politics." She sighed dramatically.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened with Wendy?" I asked, pulling her closer.

"Later." She responded, her voice tired. She slumped into my arms, letting me carry her weight for a moment.

"Your leg feeling okay?"

"It's fine, Craig." She responded, still tired. I held her up for a few songs before we crashed on the couch next to Opie and Lyla. She cuddled into me on my lap, as Lyla was with Opie. Lee and Lyla's legs intertwined in the middle of the small couch.

"It's good to have you back, Dove." Opie said sincerely, nodding in her direction. Finally, Filthy Phil called for attention again.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have some happy news to announce!" Clay called from the bar, holding a cut in one hand and Rat's shoulder in the other. "Ratboy here, joined us over a year ago. And today we voted to patch him in!" This was met with an uproar of applause and cheers of congratulations. "Wear your top rocker proudly, son. You're a Son now." Clay continued, clapping Rat on the back and giving him a manly hug. I was smiling from ear to ear, as I'd been the one to recommend him as a Prospect a few months into my own Prospect period. The group turned rowdier as they all celebrated Rat's acceptance. Opie and I left Lyla and Lee to go dap up Rat. I ran into Jax, again, on my way back to Lee and he stopped me.

"I thought you were gonna help her be cool!" He hissed, glaring at me.

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I asked, bewildered. Jax had his hand clutched on my right bicep and he used all of his strength to pull me around to face him. Instinct taking over, I shoved him back into the bar. "What the HELL is wrong with you?!" I continued when I was free of his grip.

"I thought you were going to talk to Lee about being cool to Wendy!" He said again, his voice still barely above a whisper.

"Whatever happened with them earlier is between them. I don't have shit to do with it!" I replied angrily. "Plus, I told her to be cool. She's your friend, why don't you try talking to her about this shit?" I didn't give him a chance to respond and instead walked away, returning to Lee.

"Let's go." She said immediately upon seeing the look on my face.

"Yeah. Right now." I responded, taking her hand. We said bye to the people we passed on our way out and finally were able to make it to the deserted parking lot. "Are you gonna tell me what happened with Wendy? Jax nearly fought me just now because of how upset she is."

"She's playing him, Craig!" Lee shouted, throwing her hands in the air. "And now isn't a time to bring outsiders around. We're at fucking war!" She continued.

"You don't have to remind me of that, babe. And you don't have to remind Jax of it. He wouldn't have brought Wendy tonight if they weren't serious."

"She was planning on hitting on you." Lee said in a small voice. Despite her attempt to hide her emotion, I could see it written plainly on her face.

"You thought I'd dump you for Jax's girlfriend?" I asked, to clarify. She nodded sadly and mounted the Ducati. "Babe. You're stuck with me, you know that? I ain't going anywhere." I leaned down to kiss her on the lips before I swung my leg over the bike behind her and let her drive us home.

The next morning was a whirlwind. Lee was up at the ass crack of dawn, cleaning absolutely everything in the house and whipping up a breakfast feast fit for champion sumo wrestlers. When I woke up a few hours after she did, she'd put her hair in a topknot and was whisking waffle batter with a vengeance. She also had French Toast on the griddle and pancakes in a skillet. She looked up when she saw me, and I noticed that she even had a full face of makeup on.

"I got a text from Clay. The guys will be here in 10 minutes." She told me, looking over my bare chest and low slung sweatpants. "Get dressed. They'll be hungry and then they'll need sleep. Our group are the officers from Seattle. They've been riding all night," she continued.

"Or, we can get undressed together?" I suggested feebly. She returned my comment with a glare and a middle finger as she ladled the waffle mix onto the iron. "I thought it was worth a shot." I grumbled in response, but still headed back to the bedroom. The doorbell rang as I pulled my shirt on over my head. I heard Lee's heels click across the linoleum floor. I slid each of my SAMCRO rings on my fingers before joining her in the foyer. The best part of having had a damn near 5 year long relationship (with a 3 year hiatus) with Lee is that I can pick up on even the subtlest of shifts in her mood. Sure, she was friendly and opened her home to our brothers from Seattle, but I couldn't help but notice the small chill in her voice. When she stepped aside, I could finally see why.

Baz had gotten taller in the year and a half since I'd seen him. Or maybe it was just the biker boots. He had a gruff look about him, a full beard, and tired eyes lined with wrinkles. He looked leathery and worn, like I did when I got out of jail. He was eyeing Riley with great interest. I recognized it as the look he gave Julia whenever I'd seen them together while sneaking to and from Lee's room. Lee noticed it too, and wrapped her arms around herself to cover up what her modest t shirt and jeans did not.

"You have a beautiful home, brother." The President said to me, offering his hand for me to shake. I took it wearily. "I'm McCallum O'Donoghue, President of the Seattle chapter." He continued once we'd shook.

"Nice to meet you, brother. Craig Cody. This is Riley Tudor." I answered before being introduced to Sean, his VP; Carlisle, his Sergeant at Arms; and Baz, his secretary.

"I have to say, your croweater is also beautiful." Baz said to me, seemingly determined not to mention that we'd grown up together.

"I'm his Old Lady." Lee snapped, fixing Baz with a glare of warning. He put up his hands in a fake surrender.

"My apologies, I didn't see the tattoo." Baz goaded her.

"It's on my list of things to do today." Lee replied sweetly, gracefully steering our house guests to the kitchen. "I've prepared breakfast for you guys. I have just about everything you could ever want. After we eat, you can all settle in. I'll let you fight over who gets the beds and who gets the couch." She smiled, setting the table. As she moved around to sit on the other side of the table, Baz bumped into her and held her close for a second longer than necessary.

"Ah." She hissed, breaking free from his grip. I walked over to where she was rubbing her upper arm.

"You okay, baby?" I asked, eyeing Baz with interest.

"Sorry about that, Riley." He said, seemingly genuinely, as he sat down in the seat at Carlisle's right.

"No harm, no foul." Riley replied, sitting gracefully at the foot of the table and forcing a smile in Baz's direction. I sat too, and we began to eat.

"I've known Clay and Gemma for over 30 years, and let me tell you you've learned from the best, Riley." McCallum said, taking a large bite of his french toast. Lee smiled again and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Speaking of, I have to go see Gemma. I'll leave you men to Club business." She said, dismissing herself and grabbing her purse. "You wouldn't mind putting the food away, right baby?" She asked me. I shook my head, kissed her again, and watched her leave. When the door had slammed behind her, and I'd heard the tell tale rev of the engine of her Toyota Tundra, I turned back to the group.

"So, what the fuck are you doing here, Baz? Still on Smurf's payroll?" I sneered, placing a hand on the gun in my holster in case I had to defend myself.

"Take your hand off your gun, Craig, Lee wouldn't want holes in her pretty house." Baz replied with a sneer that rivaled my own. The other Seattle men looked between us bewildered.

"You two know each other?" McCallum asked, confused.

"He's my brother." I responded, still glaring, but this time with my gun lazily draped in my hand.


	10. Chapter 9

_**Chapter Nine:**_

 _ **Riley Tudor Cody**_

"He's fucking _here_ , Gemma!" I cried, waving my glass of cognac to emphasize my point. I'd arrived at her house about 15 minutes ago and had already poured myself two shots of cognac.

"I already agreed that it's suspicious and potentially the beginning of a true shit show." Gemma said placatingly. She had already called Clay and he was on his way back, probably with Jax and his skank girlfriend. The thought of Jax and Wendy made me throw back the contents of my drink.

Last night had been a blur. I'd reentered both my relationship with Craig and the SAMCRO social scene with a bang. Lying to Craig about Wendy had been the worst, but also the most necessary. No one could know that Wendy was doing coke in the bathroom. At least not from me. Even if she was an addict, she deserved protection, and I wouldn't risk Jax putting her out on the street in the midst of this war. And I couldn't let Craig know where to find the blow. So I kept that to myself, making some lame excuse about being afraid that she'd hit on Craig, like he'd ever dump me for anyone let alone Jax's girl. But seeing Baz this morning had almost completely pushed last night from my mind. I'd hated leaving Craig there to deal with it alone, but I also knew that I just couldn't be there with him looking at me like I was a brand new toy and calling me a fucking croweater.

"But we've gotta figure out a solution before flying off the handle. You're sure that you didn't like flee from the room or something when he showed up?" Gemma was asking.

"No, of course I didn't. I was as graceful and gracious as you've always taught me to be." I sighed in response.

"Maybe I should call Smurf." Gemma said absently, not knowing that just hearing her name spiked in me a rage stronger than a thousand fires.

"And say what?"

"Do the motherly thing. Just a quick 'Hey your son showed up at my doorstep. Thought you'd want to know.'"

"And when she says 'Why didn't you call when Craig showed up at your doorstep 18 months ago?' You'll say?"

"You already knew where he was going and why."

"That could work," I reasoned sadly, plopping into a dining room chair. Gemma patted my arm, her cold, hard rings smooth against my skin.

"How are things with Craig?" She asked after a moment. I never knew how, but Gemma always knew when there was something to be shared.

"We had sex yesterday, in the shower, before the party." I said, sighing. Gemma gave me a strange look.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" She asked.

"I mean, maybe? Yes? I don't know if I'm ready for any of this, Gemma. It's like the universe keeps telling us that we should be apart. He shows up here, finally, after 3 years and we have a chance to be together. What happens? I get fucking shot. We finally have sex after 18 months of living in this weird limbo and what happens? Baz literally shows up at my front door. Literally is on my doorstep. In a damn cut! As an officer! What else should I be taking from the universe if not that clearly Craig and I shouldn't be together."

"That you were thrown into the lifestyle of Outlaws and criminals, and that the universe never looks out for us. We create our own good, baby, I thought you knew that." She answered immediately. I just stared at her. "All the bad shit that's happened since I brought the club to Charming isn't a sign that I shouldn't be happy. It's just a sign that we live a dangerous life. But I still have my boys, and I have you, so I can't help but be happy."

"What're you saying?" I asked, sighing again.

"You used to be so smart, Dove, I think you've been around Jax too long." She laughed. I glared in response. "I'm saying that the universe isn't punishing you for fucking Craig. It's not actually punishing you for anything. It's just how your world works. There will always be danger, there will always be weirdness, there will always be something wrong. But you can't let that get to you. Be with your man." She replied, patting my arm again. She got up to wash out our coffee cups, and as she did the door sprang open. We both immediately pulled our guns from our holsters. Gemma's was strapped to her back, mine in the holsters over my shoulders. Craig and Jax entered the room, hands up in surrender.

"I told you they'd be packing heat." Craig said to Jax, holding out his hand. Jax palmed him a $20 bill. "I've caught Jax up on our little problem." He continued, flipping one of Gemma's dining chairs around and sitting on it so his front faced the back of the chair. Jax was at the refrigerator grabbing what he needed to make a sandwich.

"What can you tell us about Baz's role in Smurf's regime?" Gemma asked the two of us as she put her gun back where it belonged.

"Last I knew, he was vying for the second in command spot. Pope had spent some time in jail with me, we overlapped by a year, and he let me know that Smurf was relying on Baz heavily since I'd been locked up." Craig started.

"He's smart, probably the most calculating of the brothers." I jumped in. "He knew exactly how to play Smurf and Julia against each other for his own gain." I'd remembered Smurf and Julia's fights, when he let himself get caught coming out of her room or when he was caught by Julia with Smurf. Somehow, he'd always come out on the other side of the confrontation sparkly clean.

"He just wants to be taken seriously." Craig continued, now taking my hand in his. He started playing with my fingers. "I talked to him, in front of the rest of the Seattle group."

"You did what?!" I cried, pulling away from him. "Are you fucking insane?!" I continued, getting up and pushing my chair back into the wall. Gemma flinched. Craig didn't look at me.

"I don't know what y'all were planning, but Baz is too smart for games. I thought I'd just ask him straight up." Craig clarified, leaning over the back of the chair to get closer to me.

"What did he say?" Gemma prompted.

"That he's no longer on Smurf's payroll, that she doesn't know he's here. What he's supposed to say. 'Look, man, I just found family in the MC like you did. Is that a crime? Are you the only one that can get out and be happy?'" Craig imitated Baz's voice perfectly. I shuddered.

"He's such a fucking liar. He doesn't do anything without Smurf." I spat out, running my hands through my hair. "I can't stay there, Craig. You saw the way he was looking at me."

"How was he looking at you, Dove?" Jax asked, setting his plate down on the table and walking over to where I stood.

"Like I was Julia." I answered. "Like I already belonged to him."

" _Late for another midnight rendezvous with Craig, huh, Riley?" Baz whispered as I opened my door one night a year into my relationship with Craig. My blood ran cold and I tried to steel myself with an impassive face._

" _I have to shit. That okay with you, big brother?" I quipped, stepping around Baz but he just stepped in my way again._

" _You've gotten sloppy, little sis." He continued to whisper, closing the meager gap between us._

" _I haven't shat my pants yet, Baz. Now, THAT would be sloppy." I responded, stepping back to the wall._

" _You've been fucking Craig for how long now? I'd wager about a year now. I started noticing when he slapped your ass 6 months ago at dinner." Baz stepped even closer, flattening his palm against the wall, next to my right shoulder. I stayed silent, staring stonily past him. I'd never been scared of sober Baz, but drunk Baz was a different story and I could smell the liquor on his breath. "What? You don't have anything to say to me? I don't get some love like Craig does?"_

" _Is that what you want, Barry?" I looked into his glazed over brown eyes. He reached out his other hand to brush hair away from my face. His fingers were light and gentle as he tucked the stray strands behind my ear. He leaned down, kissing me on the lips with the same gentleness._

" _You've looked in a mirror. Every man alive wants to fuck you." He answered. I reared my knee into his junk and punched him in the nose as he went down._

" _You fucking touch me again and I'll cut your dick off. Imagine how Julia or Smurf will like you then, huh, Baz? You cowardly piece of shit, if you'd really had a problem you would've confronted Craig not me. But you're weak. Leave me alone, Baz." I hissed, stepping over him and retreating to my room. I locked the door and slumped against it, finally letting the tears fall. I texted Craig that I wouldn't be over that night._

"You never told me he hit on you." Craig responded after I'd told everyone that story. Jax rolled his eyes and stuffed his sandwich in his mouth after saying:

"Are you fucking surprised anymore? Dove wouldn't tell you if the house was on fire if she thought it would make your life easier."

"Fuck you, Jax." I cried, turning on him. "So what? You're mad I keep secrets now? You're mad that I don't tell everyone everything all the fucking time? Isn't that the mark of a good Old Lady? I tell the Club shit that's important for the Club to know." I snapped.

"You aren't supposed to make that call, Riley. You give us the information and we determine if it's important for the Club to know." He screamed back.

"Fine. You want some fucking information? Your new girlfriend did a couple lines of coke in the bathroom last night during the party. When I asked her where she got it, she told me that Clay was her supplier. He and Tiggy have been selling _cocaine_ behind the Club's back since the accident. That's why I don't like her. That's why we were fighting." I blurted it out quickly but clearly. "Sorry I didn't tell you earlier, VP. I didn't want to distract you or the Club from this stupid fucking war you've started." The room was silent after my admission. Gemma gave me a weary look. I feared that I'd tested her patience for the last time, that her good graces over the last 4.5 years would be swept from under me in a fit of rage. I refused to look at Craig. After a silent 2 minutes, Jax slammed the plate so hard against the table it broke in half before he grabbed his cut and left the room. He couldn't look at me and I couldn't blame him. He deserved to know, but he didn't deserve to find out the way he did.

"It doesn't do anyone any good for you to antagonize him." Gemma reminded me gently. "But I get where you're coming from, Lee. I'm going to give Smurf a call." She got up from the table and walked into the other room, leaving me alone with Craig. We didn't speak for so long I thought he'd decided to move past it. I should've known I wasn't that lucky. Despite Gemma's council, I was more convinced now than ever that the universe or God or whomever was working against me.

"I get you're hurting. I've understood that you've been hurting for 18 months. But you should have told me the truth. God, Riley, that's the only thing that's been consistent in our relationship. We tell each other the truth. I don't give a fuck if you lie to Gemma, Jax, Clay, the whole fucking Club, or Smurf. But you've gotta look me in the eye and tell it to me straight. Otherwise, what's the fucking point?" He said, giving me a look that was more than hurt and less than anger. "I've gotta get a smoke, I'll be outside." He headed toward the back door without a passing glance. He'd always dwarfed me, but in that moment I couldn't have felt smaller if I'd tried.


	11. Chapter 10

_**Chapter Ten:**_

I was in my old room, which Gemma hadn't had the heart to alter since I officially moved out. The pale pink walls were still bare, unmarked. I never believed I'd be here long enough to warrant wall decorations. The bedspread was an homage to Jackson Pollack, paint splotches over a pure white duvet. It was the only thing in the room that was even remotely exemplary of my personality; the only thing I chose lovingly.

"Well, you might need it back one day." She'd said when I'd asked her about it a couple weeks ago. I was certainly thankful for the sanctuary today. A couple hours had passed without any activity, unless you counted the 7 times Jax ignored my phone call. I couldn't blame him, I'd torpedoed his relationship in one angry sentence. He had deserved better than that. I also hadn't heard from Craig, whose pain I now understood was deeper than I'd given him credit for. More curiously, I hadn't heard from Gemma either. I was sequestered and alone in the room Gem and I had created for me a week into my new life in Charming. I must have dozed off, because it was dark when the knock on my door forced my eyes open.

"Yeah, come in." I called groggily, pressing a hand to my head and rolling over onto my back. Jax was standing in the doorway when I finally opened my eyes and looked at the disturbance. For some reason, my head was pounding in a way that it hadn't done since surgery so I immediately closed my eyes at the bright light coming from the hallway.

"You okay?" He asked, his voice soft.

"Fine, just close the door. The light's bothering me." I responded, trying to scoot up but failing. I gave up, and just laid on the bed, prawn, waiting for Jax to say what was on his mind.

"I took a ride. To the Streams." He explained haltingly. I sighed. "I realized that you were right to keep that from me. I can't cast Wendy aside until this shit with the Niners is finished and now I can't look at her. You were going to tell me when the war was over, weren't you?"

"Yeah, that had been my plan until you pissed me the fuck off." I sighed again, whispering. "I'm sorry about this morning, I shouldn't have said anything until after the war was over, no matter how mad I was." Each word was physically painful to say out loud. I kept my eyes screwed closed and continued to press a hand to my head.

"I didn't give you much of a choice, did I?" He countered, sitting on the bed and putting his hand on my leg. "Dove. Are you sure you're okay?" Jax's voice was suddenly laden with concern.

"I just need some aspirin or an advil or something." I whispered back. I felt Jax's weight leave the bed as he ran to the bathroom. I heard the water rushing from the faucet, and then he was back, cradling my head in his hands and lifting the glass to my lips.

"Here, take the pills first." He stuffed three into my mouth. "Now the water." He let me drink.

"I just need to sleep." I whispered once I had swallowed the pills.

"Should I tell Craig?" Jax pressed.

"Only if you want to get punched in the face." I responded, turning over slowly and almost immediately drifting to sleep.

I awoke next to the sound of the springs of the mattress creaking and a dip in the frame as someone climbed into bed with me. My head feeling a tad better, I rolled over and opened my eyes, expecting Craig or Jax. But the cold green eyes I was staring at were only familiar in the context of the rest of his body. Baz's eyes had grown wild, and cold, in the years we'd been apart.

"I wouldn't scream if I were you." He whispered, putting a single finger to my lips. I also resisted the urge to bite him. "So SAMCRO taught you some obedience, huh?" He continued, wrapping an arm around my waist and dragging me backward off the bed. He stood us up, easing slowly off my childhood bed and took me to the door. I could feel a knife, probably the Sons of Anarchy standard issue KABAR, at my back as he walked us forward. The house was eerily silent, and he slipped a hand over my mouth. We didn't run into anyone as he led me to the garage, lifting Gemma's keys from their hook in the mud room. I hadn't been scared until I thought of the possibilities. What if he'd killed my family? Where were Gemma, Jax, and Clay? Where was Craig? What had happened to me earlier today? I was still thinking when he put the car in gear, the knife now trained at my thigh. Baz fumbled with something in the front seat, finally bringing his hand to my arm. The flash of silver told me it was a syringe, and suddenly my searing headache was back.

"Just go to sleep, Riley. It'll all be over soon." I head Baz whisper as my head fell heavy and it lolled to one side, hitting the window.

The sun was rising when Baz stopped the car. He must have moved me so that my head fell opposite the window, as it was open and the salt air wafted freely through the car. It took me a second to put two and two together. Salt air meant southern CA. If we were in southern Cali, it must have meant…

I snapped my eyes open and looked at the house Baz had stopped in front of. The pink siding, the U shape, the pool. Smurf's house hadn't changed in the 3 years since I'd last seen it and I couldn't tell if I found that comforting or terrifying. The sun was just rising, and the illumination made Baz look more worse for wear than he had when he showed up at my doorstep almost 24 hours ago. The wrinkles that lined his face were deep set, like someone who hadn't relaxed in decades. I assume he'd been handsome when we were kids, but I couldn't see it now.

"You took me to Smurf." I deadpanned, weakly gesturing to the sprawling but dated estate.

"Of course I did." He replied gruffly, getting out of the car. He waited patiently for three minutes for me to follow him. But his patience was threadbare, and he ended up nearly ripping the door off the handle before grabbing my arm with enough force to bruise. He nearly drug me through the gates and then through the back door and into the kitchen, where I was surprised to see the entire family sitting at the island. Well, everyone except Craig and Julia, and with the addition of this teenage kid who looked confused and weary. No one said anything as Baz popped himself a Carona.

"Do you have anything to wear to a funeral, sweetheart?" Smurf finally asked, her voice as quiet and full of love as I'd remembered it. The warmth in her words shocked me.

"You know how I've always longed to be buried in 2 days worn blue jeans and a t shirt." I answered dryly, looking her in her familiar blue eyes. I still didn't believe that this was real.

"Not _your_ funeral, Riley. Julia's. She died a few days ago." Smurf's voice turned cold, and I turned to Pope. My second eldest brother's eyes were dead. But I figured that had everything to do with prison, and nothing to do with me. I turned to Deran, who had his arms folded over his chest and was leaning against the counter. He wasn't even looking at me, he alternated between glaring at the kid and glaring at Baz. I couldn't prolong the inevitable.

"Sorry, Smurf, but I didn't have a chance to pack a bag. See, Baz, here, grabbed me in the middle of the night. And could have possibly killed your other son." I quipped, shrugging my shoulders innocently. Smurf snapped her neck so quickly over to Baz that I swear I heard it crack.

"He's not dead. He's fine." Baz reassured her. She turned back to me.

"Then we'll have to go shopping, then, won't we?" Smiled reasoned, grabbing her purse from the counter and walking toward the door. I didn't follow.

"A little slower than usual on the uptake, Riley?" Pope asked, his voice gravelly. "You're supposed to _follow_ her," he continued, every word dripping in condescension.

"Thanks, ass hole." The retort was quick on my lips, like I'd never been forced from Oceanside and this was a normal day. Pope smiled, genuinely, and his face transformed to one I remembered. I felt my guard slipping.

"It's so good to have you back." He said, still smiling. And just like that, my guard snapped back in place.

"You don't have me back." I snapped, turning on my heel and marching back toward the door. Smurf was leaned against Deran and Craig's old green Jeep, her purse dangling languidly in her fingers. She, too, was smiling at me.

"Decided to join me?" She asked sweetly. I rolled my eyes.

"How do you know I won't grab the wheel while you're driving? Or, even better, smash your head against the driveway right the fuck now?" I responded, equally as sweet. Smurf laughed.

"Honey, you're not a prisoner. You're family. You're free to go any time you want." She stretched out her arm to indicate the world being my oyster.

"Oh please, that's some Hotel California horse shit and you know it. If I left, you'd send Baz or Deran or Pope after me. Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Smurf."

"You're family, Riley. Your mom wanted you here with us, so here you should be." She replied simply, getting into the car. I'd spent more time than I cared to admit in the passenger seat of this atrocious green Jeep. Craig would sit in the back whenever I joined he and Deran on their early morning surfing adventures, so I'd stretch out next to Deran in the front. I knew that was why Smurf decided to drive this car, out of all of them. I climbed into the familiar passenger seat and took the hair band from my ponytail, letting the waves flow freely down my back.

"So, you have me here. What's your endgame?" I asked as she drove. Surprisingly, her words were raw and honest.

"I want my family back. I want my son back."

"It's not even about me. You know that you have to accept me if you ever want to see Craig again. What's stopping him from coming to get me and then taking us back north?" I asked plainly.

"He stays or I kill you, sweetie." She replied, looking me in the eye for the first time since putting the car in gear. The look in her cold blue eyes matched her words: honest, raw, and murderous.

"You're going to kill me anyway, aren't you?" I sighed, resigned. Next to me, Smurf nodded. "Then you better be buying me the best damn funeral dress that anyone's ever seen." I said, smiling at her for the first time.


	12. Chapter 11

_**Chapter Eleven:**_

 _ **Craig Cody**_

"I get you're hurting. I've understood that you've been hurting for 18 months. But you should have told me the truth. God, Riley, that's the only thing that's been consistent in our relationship. We tell each other the truth. I don't give a fuck if you lie to Gemma, Jax, Clay, the whole fucking Club, or Smurf. But you've gotta look me in the eye and tell it to me straight. Otherwise, what's the fucking point?" I told Riley after she'd announced to Jax the real reason she and Wendy had fought last night. I was disappointed in her, and suddenly insecure in our relationship. "I've gotta get a smoke, I'll be outside." I headed toward the back door, I couldn't even look at her. All I could do was put a little space and distance between us. Jax found me, there, still chain smoking about 90 minutes later.

"Where's our girl?" He asked, lighting one up for himself. I glared in his general direction.

" _My_ Old Lady is upstairs in her old room sleeping. If you ever say 'our girl' again, I'll be forced to assume you're talking about Gemma." I shot back. Jax laughed.

"Gross." He replied, sitting next to me and blowing out a stream of smoke. "I'm sorry about earlier. I was out of line." He continued, the words sounding forced.

"How'd that taste coming out your mouth?" I laughed, seeing the look of pure agony on his face.

"Like dog shit. Just accept the fucking apology, shit head." He replied, laughing.

"Alright, alright, I accept the fucking apology. But you've gotta say it to Lee. She's the one who deserves it." I told him. Jax got up, grumbling, and disappeared into the house. He'd only been gone a few minutes when Clay's name appeared on the screen of my prepay. I flipped it open, but Clay didn't even give me a chance to say hello.

"We found the bastard." He growled. I could picture Clay turning purple with the anger that trembled through his voice.

"Who?" I asked, even though I was sure that already knew the answer.

"Damian George." Clay nearly screamed into the phone. "Get Jax and bring your asses to the Clubhouse." The line went dead. Jax was coming down the stairs as I raced through the house. Gemma poked her head out of the study, confused by the commotion.

"What's going on?" She and Jax questioned in unison.

"They found Damian George. Jax and I have to go. Keep yourselves safe here." I instructed Gemma, grabbing a couple of her extra guns and stuffing them in my waistband. I threw another to Jax, who caught it deftly.

"Please, for the love of God, you two wear vests!" Gemma cried as we left the house. We mounted our bikes at the same, and flew down the streets to the Clubhouse.

Half of the Sons of Anarchy army was gathered near the bar getting ready. Tig and Opie were strapping vests on as Lyla sobbed silently in a corner. Clay was on the phone, probably with Gemma, and running a large hand over his short cropped blonde hair. Jax and I, having forgotten to say goodbye to our girl, only had each other to look at as we maneuvered the velcro of the bullet proof vests. My fingers fumbled more than once as I strapped the heavy kevlar to my chest. I convinced myself that it was the adrenaline that coursed through my nerves, and the nerves themselves, that rendered me temporarily incapable of using my fingers. Jax saw me struggling, and pulled me to him, strapping me in, without a word. The gesture reminded me so much of Pope it hurt. Baz had never been the older brother type, but there was a time here and there where Pope would stop being an ass hole. He'd helped me up the first time I'd fallen on my bike; and he'd been there when I'd broken my leg all those years ago. But Jax was my brother, now, and I guess he'd always had been. I'd never tell him how much I appreciated his love for Riley in those years I was locked up, but I did. I owed her safety to him, and I'd never forget that. It was what I thought of as we crouched near the back door of a random Oakland bar, in hiding, well into the night.

"It's like 'Nam all over again." Tig complained, shifting his weight for the one millionth time. Jax and I were statues.

"You young bucks don't know anything about kneeling in your own piss and shit for three straight days," one of the older guys out of the Oregon charter hissed. He had to have been 65 years old, easily, and yet he crouched on the balls of his feet like the rest of us. His arms were covered in fading reapers. I knew I'd look like him in a few decades, if I was lucky.

"Will y'all shut the fuck up? We're supposed to be incognito." Jax hissed, barely even turning his head away from the door.

"We've been here for 8 hours, Jax." Tig grumbled, sounding a lot like Deran used to sound whenever Smurf forced us to go shopping with her.

"I hear something." I whispered, pointing to the door. It opened with a rattling clunk and 2 figures fell out. I couldn't tell if the man was trying to eat the girl's face or if they were making out. But then I recognized the people. The girl, a blonde, was Wendy. Her fingers were entangled in Damian's shirt, as she tried to rip it off him. Damian's fingers were already sliding up Wendy's too short skirt. I don't know which one of us was up first, but Jax and I raced to Damian. I knocked him over the head with my pistol as Wendy screamed. Jax clamped his hand over her mouth, silencing the sound. I affixed the silencer to the gun I was using before straddling Damian on the pavement.

"This is for the Dove of SAMCRO. You shouldn't have hurt her." I growled, slapping him across the face before putting two in his skull with clean shots. Soft popping sounds filled the night sky as I got off him; Damian's blood stained the ground. Jax hauled Wendy over to the group, basically throwing her at the waiting Crows. I took out my KABAR and began slicing into the dead man's flesh. Jax watched over me as I finished slicing our brand into his skin, then helped me haul him into a sitting position against the outside wall of the bar. I heard 2 more pops as our little group rallied together, Wendy in tow.

"Was that the signal?" The old Oregon patch whispered. We all shook our heads.

"Danger is 4 shots." Tig confirmed what we all knew. 2 shots was just protecting yourself. We ran to the sound just as more shots rang out, these without a silencer. The yelling became clear as we got closer. Jax whispered something to Wendy, his harsh voice only reaching me every other word.

"It was Clay." Wendy's voice was loud and clear. I snapped my head to her, the only words I could hear were hers. "He sent me here! He said that I had to do my duty to the Club. He had me get your Crow tattooed, Jax. I didn't think I had a choice!" She was crying even more. Jax looked at me, his eyes wild. I hadn't heard the first part of the conversation, but got distracted then by Tig's cry of agony. He crumpled to the ground, clutching his shoulder. I ran to Jax's side.

"We have to get her out of here." I hissed, grabbing them both by the arm and leading them back to where our bikes were.

"I have to kill Clay first." Jax screamed, alerting the attention of a couple Niners who had broken away from the pack to shoot Tig. I drew my gun first, placing my body squarely between them and Wendy. I shot them both, stalking them, as I refocused on dragging Wendy and Jax to safety.

"Riley and Gemma would literally skin me alive if I didn't get you home." I answered, finding Jax's bike and nearly throwing Wendy on it. She was still sobbing. "Jax, get her home. Find Riley, see if she can patch some folks up when we get back." I instructed, waiting until the lights on his bike had dimmed before turning back around to find Tig and the rest of our group. The Oregon patch was the first person I saw. He'd opted not to wear the vest, and I could see clear through his chest to his rib cage. He must've been shot close range by a cannon. I tried not to sully his body by vomiting so near it. Tig was nowhere to be found. I kept creeping toward the noise, shooting Niners in the back when I snuck up on them and rolling away from the shots of others when I gave up my position. I found Tig in the center of the action, protecting Clay's back. Bobby, Chibs, and Juice were surrounding Clay too. More impressively were the bodies that lay at their feet. Only 10 or so Niners were left, and they were focused on activity behind them. I followed their gaze to where a few dozen Mayans had emerged from their territory. Their guns were also drawn. I slipped in next to the rest of the Sons while the Niners were distracted.

"It's done." I whispered to Clay, who smiled at me. He mouth was covered in blood. "What the hell happened?" I asked, but was cut off when Alejandro clapped me on the back.

"Gigante. We saw your present." He laughed, pointing to Damian George, who was now being carried overhead by Javier. I looked from the Mayans to the Niners to the Sons and back again.

"War's over, son." Bobby reassured me, putting his hand on my other shoulder. For the first time in 4.5 years, I felt at peace.

I'd lost my phone during the battle, so I had no way of knowing what I was walking into. And, despite his shortcomings, neither did Clay. We bypassed the typical celebration of Leroy's surrender at the Clubhouse to find our girls at Gemma's house. We rode side by side in silence through the suburban streets. I was having trouble processing Jax's sudden display of hostility towards Clay, but since I knew too well the poison of distrust, I was able to give Jax the benefit of the doubt. There would be time to talk about Wendy's role in the war, and Clay's role in putting here there. All I could see now was burying myself in Riley until dawn. All the lights were on in the house, and that was probably my first sign that something was wrong. Jax's angry screams, heard from the street, were the next indicator, but I figured he was probably just yelling at Wendy. I'd ignore the two of them while I found Riley. Clay and I walked through the garage, and Gemma's car was gone. Still, I let myself believe that everything was alright for just a few more moments until I walked in the house. Jax's screams were incoherent. Clay registered Gemma crying before I could even focus my attention on her. Jax was waving a piece of paper around. I'd frozen near the doorway to the garage as Clay quickly read the words. Jax pushed the older man into the closest wall, pointing angrily at Wendy. Then, everyone in the kitchen looked at me.

"I couldn't do anything about, Craig, I'm so sorry. Baz came out of nowhere, he injected me with something. I couldn't stop him." Gemma was saying.

"Stop him from what…" I trailed off, looking up to the ceiling before breaking into a full sprint to Riley's room. I couldn't even feel each step beneath my feet. I felt like I was flying. The high of adrenaline coursing through my veins was nothing compared to my first line of cocaine; the feel of Riley's walls closing and tightening around my cock didn't even come close to this feeling I rode to a crash. I threw open the door, her bedding was messed up. That's how I knew something was wrong. My borderline obsessive compulsive girlfriend would never leave her room less than pristine. I wrenched open every other door on the second floor. The last door led to the linen closet, and I was so desperate then that I ripped the thing clean off the hinges. I threw it down the hall and watched it shatter against the wall, nearly killing Jax.

"I'm sorry, Craig. We're going to find her. We'll leave for Oceanside right now." Jax said to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I looked down at him, he had gotten the letter back.

"Let me see it." I ordered. Without hesitancy, Jax shoved the paper in my hand. "You know where to find her, son. It's time for us to be whole again." I read aloud. It wasn't signed.

I'd been on borrowed time the last 4.5 years. That was the first realization I came to as we sat around the reaper table 45 minutes after I knew she was gone. Smurf had given me enough time to feel comfortable, safe, before she turned my world upside down again. I should have known that I was never really free of her. I should have known that she'd never be happy if I wasn't under her control. In the 45 minutes it took for Clay to round up the entirety of SAMCRO, I knew what I had to do.

"Excommunicate me." I announced loudly and clearly to my brothers. I'd never wanted this. I'd never wanted the leather or the guns. Riley had wanted it for me, for us. She'd wanted the stability of Outlaw life. She'd wanted family. But, sitting here without her made me realize that I had grown to love these crazy ass holes and more than that, I needed them. Saying the words were harder than I thought they'd be, but they were necessary.

"Fuck you." Jax spat at me from across the table. "We have to be low key. Just me, Chibs, Craig, and Opie. We'll head South, take out the crazy bitch, and get Riley home. Simple." He continued, completely ignoring me until I'd stood up and shattered my beer bottle by throwing it to the floor. Everyone looked up.

"Excommunicate me." I growled, repeating myself, and looking directly at Clay. "If any of you want to see Riley again, excommunicate me and pretend we've never met. Don't say my name out loud to anyone else ever again." Clay was looking at me thoughtfully.

"You know them better than we do, if you think this is what needs to happen…" Clay started, but Jax cut him off.

"Fuck no! You need a unanimous vote to make that happen, and I'm not voting for that. There has to be another way." Jax cried, smacking his hand on the table. I looked at him with respect. This man I'd hated instantly became my ultimate supporter and my best friend. He was more my brother than Pope was. But tonight, he was wrong.

"Brother." I said, addressing Jax. "This is the only way."

"Aye." Clay started us off.

"This won't protect you, Clay." Jax said ominously. Our brothers looked bewildered, but I knew Jax was at war with himself. His hatred for Clay and his love for Riley and me. But I couldn't think about his war right now. "Aye. You bring her home, no matter how long it takes." The rest of the group voted in favor and no sooner than Juice had issued his vote had I shrugged off my cut and handed it to Jax.

"Keep it safe, for me, guys. I'll be back."

"You fucking better be." Jax responded for the group, clapping me on the back. I said my goodbyes, kissing Gemma on the cheeks, and got on my Ducati. As I spend back to Oceanside, I hoped that I'd see Charming again, but I didn't count on it. The only things I knew for certain was that the Club was at a turning point, at the edge of fracture, and that if Riley was still alive then getting her out of the Cody house with her health would take time, patience, and more control than I'd ever been prepared to exert over my actions. Since I'd changed once, to be without her I knew I could change again to be with her.


End file.
